Today we heard news. About our friends who decided to leave due to..certain events. Anyways..it's going to be hard. We're loosing another two of our housemates (and friends) ..and then..left four of us in this apartment. I'm going to miss them.
I hope and pray that they'll find happiness and awesome friends in the new place when they'll be able to pursue their dream. I pray they keep their courage and hope, unscarred by anything hurtful that has happened in the past. I pray they are successful in whatever they do. I hope we're not forgotten, I pray we're remembered.
But mostly, I pray ..that this relationship ..our relationship..doesn't change. Hopefully, they grow stronger? ..''Distance makes the heart grow fonder''.. I hope it's applicable in this case.
I wish them all the best. No tears from me..I've never cried at anything happy I think.. because everything here happens for a reason. Make the best out of everything..and if everyone ends up happy, why cry about it..? :)
We'll meet again.. hopefully at weddings, parties and births...I dread the funerals. ==''
But that's life. Unexpected. A teacher. Full of bittersweet moments. We're blessed. To have met and know each other.
Dedicated to Fatin and Meera.
Love you two. :) Take care.
Monday, January 31, 2011
How I Lost My Pencil
Okay, so I don't know 'how' exactly..and yes, I'm well aware this is not something you can make a tv show out of..but nonetheless, it's important. My pencil.
I was packing my bag ready to leave for cyberjaya when I had this 'feeling' and went I checked my pencil case, I realised my orange mechanical pencil was missing. All of a sudden I felt something overwhelming me.. I started searching frantically..in silence..paying attention to my heartbeat that was beating at a fast rate. My family realised that this was something important to me and they started searching too. The living room, stationary sets, everyone's pencil box, the rooms, the kitchen..even the bathrooms. But I couldn't find it.
In the car on the way back to cyber, I broke down crying. To think that I've lost my pencil for good. It was then that I realised it wasn't the pencil exactly that I was mourning about, it was everything that came with it. The memories.
I'm the kind of person that saves memories in objects. Everything I have is linked to a memory, a feeling..something that by just touching the object, I can remember everything sad, happy, bad..bittersweet moments that have occurred..with that object as a witness.
That pencil witnessed amazing memories. During my form 4 & 5. It witnessed my relationship with vivian, anna and phyllis..how we came to be..and how we broke. It witnessed those debate moments..the times we won and the times we lost. Those times we studied, researched..I used it during my SPM..it was there with me when I broke down crying because I was over-stressed. Those were the memories that came with it.
And to begin with, it isn't even my pencil. It's Vi's. I loved it and I bought a purple mechanical pencil..but it didn't share the same warmth the orange one did. So instead, vi took mine ..and I took hers.. The orange mechanical pencil. It became mine.
And now I've lost it.
But loosing this orange mechanical pencil taught me something. I shouldn't tie memories down to objects..what happens when an object goes missing? What happens to the memories that's tied to it.. Do they go missing too? Will you remember them? Or do they go forgotten..together with the object..buried in the grave. So it'll be safer..and better to store..to save them in my memory. Higher chances loosing an object than loosing your mind...right?
I need to get a new mechanical pencil.
I'm thinking..an orange one.
I was packing my bag ready to leave for cyberjaya when I had this 'feeling' and went I checked my pencil case, I realised my orange mechanical pencil was missing. All of a sudden I felt something overwhelming me.. I started searching frantically..in silence..paying attention to my heartbeat that was beating at a fast rate. My family realised that this was something important to me and they started searching too. The living room, stationary sets, everyone's pencil box, the rooms, the kitchen..even the bathrooms. But I couldn't find it.
In the car on the way back to cyber, I broke down crying. To think that I've lost my pencil for good. It was then that I realised it wasn't the pencil exactly that I was mourning about, it was everything that came with it. The memories.
I'm the kind of person that saves memories in objects. Everything I have is linked to a memory, a feeling..something that by just touching the object, I can remember everything sad, happy, bad..bittersweet moments that have occurred..with that object as a witness.
That pencil witnessed amazing memories. During my form 4 & 5. It witnessed my relationship with vivian, anna and phyllis..how we came to be..and how we broke. It witnessed those debate moments..the times we won and the times we lost. Those times we studied, researched..I used it during my SPM..it was there with me when I broke down crying because I was over-stressed. Those were the memories that came with it.
And to begin with, it isn't even my pencil. It's Vi's. I loved it and I bought a purple mechanical pencil..but it didn't share the same warmth the orange one did. So instead, vi took mine ..and I took hers.. The orange mechanical pencil. It became mine.
And now I've lost it.
But loosing this orange mechanical pencil taught me something. I shouldn't tie memories down to objects..what happens when an object goes missing? What happens to the memories that's tied to it.. Do they go missing too? Will you remember them? Or do they go forgotten..together with the object..buried in the grave. So it'll be safer..and better to store..to save them in my memory. Higher chances loosing an object than loosing your mind...right?
I need to get a new mechanical pencil.
I'm thinking..an orange one.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Happiness
The other day I was recalling an incident to Vi and I realised..I could tell everything from A-Z. Every memory, every word, every expression, I had them sewed to my mind. And when I was trying to recall another incident, it was a blurry image. Not that it was completely forgotten, no..but it took even harder for me to tell..because of loopholes here and there.
The difference between those two memories? The first being a hurtful one, the second being a joyful one.
I'm not sure if it's just me, or if it happens to everyone else too, but I can recall perfectly hurtful events that has occured in the past. I think it's because of the strong emotions you feel. Feeling pain is a much more stronger emotion than feeling happiness. And when you feel something so strong, everything gets embedded in your mind.. the feeling, the hurtful words, the angry tones, the sarcastic smiles.. Until even by just thinking about it, you can feel the same emotions you felt all those years ago.. Ironic isn't it? To remember clearly what hurts, when all you wish for is to forget.
But then I think, happiness is what you CHOOSE to remember. If you choose to remember the happy bits of your life, then you'll be happy..instead of remembering the hurtful events..
But then..what if you don't get to choose? What if it's just forced into your memory? No matter how hard I want to get it out, get it erased..I can't. It's been done, it has happened. And it's not going to go anywhere until...you do something about it.
To forgive, and accept what has happened. To let go of the emotions you felt, feel. And move on. Only then your memories won't control you. They just happen to be memories, an recallation of an event that happened in the past.
It's easier said than done.
The difference between those two memories? The first being a hurtful one, the second being a joyful one.
I'm not sure if it's just me, or if it happens to everyone else too, but I can recall perfectly hurtful events that has occured in the past. I think it's because of the strong emotions you feel. Feeling pain is a much more stronger emotion than feeling happiness. And when you feel something so strong, everything gets embedded in your mind.. the feeling, the hurtful words, the angry tones, the sarcastic smiles.. Until even by just thinking about it, you can feel the same emotions you felt all those years ago.. Ironic isn't it? To remember clearly what hurts, when all you wish for is to forget.
But then I think, happiness is what you CHOOSE to remember. If you choose to remember the happy bits of your life, then you'll be happy..instead of remembering the hurtful events..
But then..what if you don't get to choose? What if it's just forced into your memory? No matter how hard I want to get it out, get it erased..I can't. It's been done, it has happened. And it's not going to go anywhere until...you do something about it.
To forgive, and accept what has happened. To let go of the emotions you felt, feel. And move on. Only then your memories won't control you. They just happen to be memories, an recallation of an event that happened in the past.
It's easier said than done.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Nineteen Minutes
Spent the entire day studying (sorta) and when then I decided to take a break. Slept for a while, and when I woke, I saw a novel by Jodi Picoult next to me. I guess it was my reflexes that made me reach for it.. Even when I was half-asleep, I opened and started to read...and I couldn't put it down.
It's about a 17year old boy who one day walked into his school with a gun, and killed 10 people, wounded many, all in 19 minutes.
Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors. I love how she tells the story, whizzing back and forth from the past, into the future. One page would be the present, and the next would be '20 years ago'. I love how she makes it seem that everything's connected. One decision made 20 years ago, would affect things today. Even a simple decision, like not cleaning the cupboard or taking the shortcut instead of the usual route to work. Then ..I love how she introduces so many characters..how they relate to each other, even if it's a small relation. Like, the paperboy. You'd never know that because that paperboy wrongly delivered your paper, you didn't read about the news about a certain kid who met in an accident many towns away.
And that kid's your son.
I've read a few of her books. Keeping Faith, was about a young girl who was convinced she was seeing God.. The Tenth Circle, about a daughter who was raped, and her dad going all out to protect her. And Mercy, about a couple in love, the girl has cancer and ask her guy to kill her. And he did.
All of her stories always involve court cases. I love how she gets her point across..that she tries to tell her readers that there are no bad people in this world, just people who makes bad choices. There's always a story, a reason behind every person. Because no one would do anything to hurt someone else on purpose, there is always a reason.
''Nobody wants to admit this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper a sentence into someone's ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end.
But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.''
Nineteen Minutes..is a book that after just reading the first two chapters, it got my heart beating fast. Because Jodi made me fell in love with this character, a boy named Peter. How he grew up loving and adorable, wanting to be like Superman. How he did all the nicest things and said all the nicest words. When he first got his glasses, he loved wearing them because he felt he had x-ray vision. All he wanted was to be liked by everyone. He stole my heart.
And then he walked into his school and killed 10 people. Revenge.
And when I couldn't come to terms with how someone like him, could do something as horrible like that.. Peter said this ..
''They started it''
I then stopped reading because..well, I just had to.
It's about a 17year old boy who one day walked into his school with a gun, and killed 10 people, wounded many, all in 19 minutes.
Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors. I love how she tells the story, whizzing back and forth from the past, into the future. One page would be the present, and the next would be '20 years ago'. I love how she makes it seem that everything's connected. One decision made 20 years ago, would affect things today. Even a simple decision, like not cleaning the cupboard or taking the shortcut instead of the usual route to work. Then ..I love how she introduces so many characters..how they relate to each other, even if it's a small relation. Like, the paperboy. You'd never know that because that paperboy wrongly delivered your paper, you didn't read about the news about a certain kid who met in an accident many towns away.
And that kid's your son.
I've read a few of her books. Keeping Faith, was about a young girl who was convinced she was seeing God.. The Tenth Circle, about a daughter who was raped, and her dad going all out to protect her. And Mercy, about a couple in love, the girl has cancer and ask her guy to kill her. And he did.
All of her stories always involve court cases. I love how she gets her point across..that she tries to tell her readers that there are no bad people in this world, just people who makes bad choices. There's always a story, a reason behind every person. Because no one would do anything to hurt someone else on purpose, there is always a reason.
''Nobody wants to admit this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper a sentence into someone's ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end.
But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.''
Nineteen Minutes..is a book that after just reading the first two chapters, it got my heart beating fast. Because Jodi made me fell in love with this character, a boy named Peter. How he grew up loving and adorable, wanting to be like Superman. How he did all the nicest things and said all the nicest words. When he first got his glasses, he loved wearing them because he felt he had x-ray vision. All he wanted was to be liked by everyone. He stole my heart.
And then he walked into his school and killed 10 people. Revenge.
And when I couldn't come to terms with how someone like him, could do something as horrible like that.. Peter said this ..
''They started it''
I then stopped reading because..well, I just had to.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Distraction
Sigh..taranya's desktop is like..so huge that..I can't help going on facebook instead of studying.. Distraction lahhh.. :/ Where's my laptop T.T
So plan for today..study bio, then do all the usual stuffs for bio lab report ..then start doing that design for the board game. I've to wait till all my housemates wake up (it's 2pm but fatin and min went to Broga Hills at 3am O.o) ..
My right eye can see ghost.
Nahh..haha, it's sore. I keep scratching and scratching, but it's not turning red. I want it to turn red..then I can go around and have people asking me ''what happened to your eye???'' and I can reply seriously ''My right eye can see ghost'' ..
Like that chinese movie, have ya watch it? More a comedy than a horror movie. But that's ''my left eye can see ghost''.
Yes, I'm crapping I know. See what I'd do to not study bio? :/
So plan for today..study bio, then do all the usual stuffs for bio lab report ..then start doing that design for the board game. I've to wait till all my housemates wake up (it's 2pm but fatin and min went to Broga Hills at 3am O.o) ..
My right eye can see ghost.
Nahh..haha, it's sore. I keep scratching and scratching, but it's not turning red. I want it to turn red..then I can go around and have people asking me ''what happened to your eye???'' and I can reply seriously ''My right eye can see ghost'' ..
Like that chinese movie, have ya watch it? More a comedy than a horror movie. But that's ''my left eye can see ghost''.
Yes, I'm crapping I know. See what I'd do to not study bio? :/
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Reflection
Haha, it's one thing about being lazy to write in our reflection diary, but then to give our blog address to our reflection teach and ask her to read..that's just plain insane.
And smart of us ;)
To Miss Suhaila (if you're reading this) :
Hi miss!! Welcome :D Maaf byk2 atas kesusahan miss hadapi semasa view blog I. Blog ni blog biasa je..tapi miss boleh baca lahhhh .. :D Enjoy!! :D
(darn, my BM needs A LOT of improvement =='')
And smart of us ;)
To Miss Suhaila (if you're reading this) :
Hi miss!! Welcome :D Maaf byk2 atas kesusahan miss hadapi semasa view blog I. Blog ni blog biasa je..tapi miss boleh baca lahhhh .. :D Enjoy!! :D
(darn, my BM needs A LOT of improvement =='')
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