Currently reading..

:D

1. Impatient

2. Rebellious

3. Annoyed easily

4. Control-freak

5. Jealousy

6. Ego

7. Indecisive

8. Lack of self - confidence

9. Finds it hard to trust others

1o. Stubborn

11. Lazy

12. Pessimistic

13. Insecure

14. Social approval required

15. Afraid of getting tied down emotionally


Was reading the 'Journey of Souls' book and there was the part about souls having to review their life on earth and improve on their MAJOR negative traits. For example, one soul may be trying to learn to control his anger but he needs hundreds of years of reincarnations to actually succeed on that. But on the way, he may learn to care and gain control of his ego.

So I started thinking of my negative traits. I have TONS.

Damn, I've so many reincarnations to go. ==

Not that I believe in these stuffs, but that's the thing about learning. You pick up all the good stuffs. I've got to work on my negative traits.

I tried listing down my positive ones but I can't get any. Maybe it's because of the 'lack of self confidence' and 'insecurity'. Or MAYBE because... there's NONE.

*gasps*

Haha, oh well. ==''

Oh wait, I think I just figure out one positive trait.

I'm not afraid to admit my weaknesses. :)
I'm feeling better already.

The journey to improvement!

(semangat at 2 a.m in the morning)

OMG

Watched the final Harry Potter movie and it was FANTASTIC! LOVED IT TO THE BITS WITH ALL OF THE PIECES OF MY HEART!!

And I didn't cry. I guess I lost all those tears crying for WEEKS after I finished reading the final Harry Potter book all those years ago. Now it's just heartwarming for me.

It literally defined my teenage life.

Lining up at 5am in the morning for the book release, being the first in line, then reading it on the bus to school and back to home. Falling in love with the story all over again. Crying to Grace when she tells me to get over it, it's not real. =='' We were such kids == haha

My first Harry Potter book was when I was in Sri Lanka. I didn't bring any novels with me on the trip and was sulking off, angry at mum cause she didn't let me bring any of my books. She then went to a girl (few years older than me) who was also on the tour with us and asked her if she had any story books. She did. She brought along her entire Harry Potter collection. She lent me one and I read.

And I fell in love. I was in Sri Lanka and I refused to put the book down. It went with me to all places, to the tea shops, the diamond shops, the hotel, the restaurants, the city. The book was in my hand. But the girl had to leave early (she was on a week's tour, I was on the 10days package). I prayed hoping she'd forget the book (I'm so evil == haha). One night dad overheard me praying and the next day, he brought me to the bookshop and there, I bought a Harry Potter book. :)

A few weeks later, I was on a trip to Australia. There, I met this couple, auntie Monica and her husband. They were book freaks :) Their house is completely filled with books! till the ceilings! all stocked up :) .. And they found out I was a book maniac too, so they took me to all the bookshops in town. One day, aunt Monica's husband did a wonderful thing. He pulled me to the side and whispered to me

Him : Can you keep a secret?
Me : Um... yes?
Him : This is the first time in my life I don't know how to spend my book vouchers.
Me : Oh? ..Do you need my help finding any books? *looks around*
Him : *laugh* .. Oh no. I just thought I'd give them to you. *holds out vouchers*
Me : ... *stares at the vouchers*
Him : Go on, take it.
Me : But..what am I to do with these? ..It's okay, I don't need them..
Him : You're actually doing ME a favour. If you don't use them, they'd go to waste.
Me : *unconvinced*
Him : You can pick ANY books you want.. and how many you want, it's up to you. :)

I went straight to the Harry Potter series and took a book. He then said I should take more than one, so I took another one. He insisted I get the entire series but I lied and said ''No it's okay. I've already read them.'' ..

He and aunt Monica told me to wait outside while they settle the book voucher thing. But I saw them paying for it with their own money. Later I found out by taking a peek at the vouchers ..that they are for Biographies.

My next few Harry Potter books I got from Nepal and Malaysia. Gifts from my dad and grandma. :)

I then had the entire collection. From different countries, gifts from different people. The books are worn out, from all the carrying around. But for me, it just shows how much I love them. I love them 'till they're not in good condition. =='' hahaha

When I look at my books, they not only tell me the stories, but the places I've been and the kind people I've met. I've always looked forward to the series and I'd go to harry potter websites using the school's internet.

I guess I am, indeed, one HUGE Harry Potter freak. :) And I love it.

Many people posted on facebook that they feel like crying because it's over. But to me, it's not over. It's still alive, inside of me. And I don't regret anything about it. :)

Currently

Reading : ''Everything Is Not Enough''

It was in my grandma's house for a long time. Auntie Jodie left it there when she came to Malaysia with my uncle for a holiday. Then she totally forgot about it and went back to Aussie. I've seen this book in the drawer since I was 7 .. thought it looked lame.

But it's interesting.. and you know, how you'd feel when you read about kids being abuse.
That kind of feeling..

''You Mean More To Me Than Anyone I've Ever Loved At All''

There's a story I love from Her Fearful Symmetry. This story is not exactly the main story, it's just there, at the background..a sub-plot. But I love it so much if I think about this book, I'd remember this first.

About Martin and Marijke.

They've been married for years. Elderly couple. Martin has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). He refuses to step out of his apartment. All his things are in boxes. He doesn't like the sunlight so he covers the windows up with newspapers. He cleans, a lot. He would just keep scrubbing at a place for hours until he is fully satisfied that the area is clean. He wears gloves as he refuses to have skin contact with anything.

He goes around his house in a fixed manner as to avoid making a mess or leaving prints where he knew he would have to scrub for hours later on. He counts to himself when he gets nervous. Also to stick to his routine. Like when he shaves, he knows the exact seconds before he shaves the other side of his face. He times his hand movements. When something goes wrong, he gets these panic attacks.

Marijke. She couldn't take it anymore, living with him. To always watch out for him and took care of him. So one day she decides to leave. Stayed somewhere far from him, got a job and an apartment where she allowed sunlight to stream in and she had a cat.

She called every month at first but then she realised it's because she missed him, so she stopped.

He, missed her so much. He thinks about her all the time. He googled maps and asks himself ''If I were her, where would I live?'' .. and marks the places. He tried searching for her number or details..online of course. But he couldn't find her.

After more than a year of not seeing her, he started taking pills (because Julia..oh well, not important)..well yeah, Treatment pills. Now, this is hard for him because part of the disorder is refusing the treatment. But he took them.

And he started practicing.
He took off the newspapers on the window for the sunlight.
He stood at his doorway and looked down at the stairs, trying very hard to walk down, but he couldn't.

But one day he made up his mind. That he was going to find her.
He packed his things.
And off her went.

He forced himself down the stairs and out of the apartment.
When his taxi arrived, he went in and came back out breathing heavily. He was not used to it and he could feel his panic attack drawing close. After a few try, he made it in.

After the taxi, he took the train.
Then the bus.
Then another taxi.

He went pass borders.
5 hours journey.

To her place.
When he reached there, he practically ran up to her apartment, wanting to get in as fast as possible.
But once there, he realised she was not in.
He started having his panic attacks.

She came back from cycling and saw her Martin there at her doorstep, gasping for air.
She ran up to him, worried.

But he smiled and said ''I came to you, Marijke. I came to you.''

And then, she knew he loved her. Very much.

Marijke : Come on in Martin, it's getting late.
Martin : Let's have dinner.
Marijke : Sure..I'll just -
Martin : Outside. Let's eat out.

And I just couldn't stop marveling at the beauty of it. For us, it would seem easy, buses and trains.. but for him, it was like fighting dragons and dinosaurs.
But he did it. He braved through all his fears to get to her.

For all those times he had hurt her because of his OCD. The pain she had to go through for more than 30 years of taking care of him and not being happy at that.
She left thinking he wouldn't change.
But he did. And she didn't ask that of him.


Sometimes I think people hurt you not because they don't love you. It's because they don't know HOW to love you the way you want them to.

Martin & Marijke.
Sweetness. :)

Nobody.

I always get so absorbed into books. I spent the entire day reading today. Sat by the window beside the piano and read. I don't usually sit there because I preferred my leather couch. Even on a hot day, the leather couch would feel cold.

But today I went over to the window. And sat there, listened to the water running in the fountain and I read.

I remembered today, for a while, I closed the book and began thinking about the characters. I thought for so long when I finally looked at the clock, an hour and a half had passed by.

And when I get so absorbed into books, I get absorbed into the characters' emotions as well. This novel I'm currently reading centers around death, love and longing. And how everyone just yearns to get away. It's sorta a depressing book with a secret beneath all the lies.

Before I read this book, I checked the reviews online. I always liked doing that. To expect what lies ahead so I won't be disappointed. The reviews were bad. Many said they were let down, it was boring.. and compared to Audrey's The Time Traveller's Wife, this is rather disappointing.

Her Fearful Symmetry.

But I don't feel it's boring at all.
Maybe it's because I understand the characters. Deeply at that.
To have loved and lost. And to yearn.
But also, I wonder, to have lost someone he loved for years. Someone who had became a part of him. So when she's gone, how does he move on exactly? To always feel like there's a part of you missing. Restless, tired. Feeling like wanting the feeling gone but nothing to do about it. People speak about ''accepting lost and moving on'' but how do they know exactly how does one feel?
Perhaps you can get over someone you loved once before, what's there to say it would be the same for someone else?

I think, love, everyone loves, yes.
But no one, loves the same.

So I've been going around the house feeling depressed.
Good news, I'm coming to an end. haha..

Will blog about the story soon. Well, maybe.
But I think maybe not.
I'd just rather not think about it.

Is currently

Reading : Audrey Niffenegger's Her Fearful Symmetry


Drinking : Bliss yogurt drink Apple Peach :)


Watching : Reruns of FRIENDS :)


Waiting to watch : The Adjustment Bureau

:D

Okay, I'm feeling so hyped now that the exams are over. Now I won't feel guilty when I sleep too long or watch movies or read novels.. I feel free. :)

So 3 months! All to myself. What am I to do? :) :) :)

* Read NOVELS!
I haven't touch one in AGES! I miss the smell, the stories, the way I get so absorbed into them. I plan on heading to the bookshop A.S.A.P and get a nice book! :)

* Exercise
Need to lose weight. :( All my clothes are so tight, and mum refuses to buy me any more. So it's either I loose weight or I go naked. ==''

*Eat like a pig
I can't wait to eat food other than cyberia's food!! :D (yes I know it's so contradicting to the first but .. a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do right?)

* Spend time with FAMILY
I miss my grandparents :(

* Catch up on all those movies and series I've been missing out on.
Gossip girl! Glee! Desperate Housewives! :D

*Spend time with Vi and Grace!!
Miss my best friends!!!!

* Nature
I want to SEE nature again :)

* Piano
I have not touch my piano for so long, my fingers feel so stiff. I miss my music. :(

* Babies!
Okay, I'm yearning for babies :) Um, no I don't mean MY OWN (though I'd like that better!) but well, yeah, I want to spend time with kids, babies. Just looking at their innocence makes my day. :) After a few hours with them though, ANNOYED. hahaha :D Nah kidding. That only happens with my brothers.

* Sleep
Sleep and not setting an alarm to wake up :)

*God
:)

And well, there's tons! And I will accomplish them. Oh, the loosing weight part. If you see me after 3 months and I look the same, or gained more weight, please..please HIT me. I mean it.

Oh wait, where was I again?
Oh yeah!
HOLIDAY!!! xD
Though I'm so NOT looking forward to the results. :(

But then again, I'll save those worries for another day :)

Nineteen Minutes

Spent the entire day studying (sorta) and when then I decided to take a break. Slept for a while, and when I woke, I saw a novel by Jodi Picoult next to me. I guess it was my reflexes that made me reach for it.. Even when I was half-asleep, I opened and started to read...and I couldn't put it down.

It's about a 17year old boy who one day walked into his school with a gun, and killed 10 people, wounded many, all in 19 minutes.

Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors. I love how she tells the story, whizzing back and forth from the past, into the future. One page would be the present, and the next would be '20 years ago'. I love how she makes it seem that everything's connected. One decision made 20 years ago, would affect things today. Even a simple decision, like not cleaning the cupboard or taking the shortcut instead of the usual route to work. Then ..I love how she introduces so many characters..how they relate to each other, even if it's a small relation. Like, the paperboy. You'd never know that because that paperboy wrongly delivered your paper, you didn't read about the news about a certain kid who met in an accident many towns away.
And that kid's your son.

I've read a few of her books. Keeping Faith, was about a young girl who was convinced she was seeing God.. The Tenth Circle, about a daughter who was raped, and her dad going all out to protect her. And Mercy, about a couple in love, the girl has cancer and ask her guy to kill her. And he did.

All of her stories always involve court cases. I love how she gets her point across..that she tries to tell her readers that there are no bad people in this world, just people who makes bad choices. There's always a story, a reason behind every person. Because no one would do anything to hurt someone else on purpose, there is always a reason.

''Nobody wants to admit this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper a sentence into someone's ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end.

But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.''

Nineteen Minutes..is a book that after just reading the first two chapters, it got my heart beating fast. Because Jodi made me fell in love with this character, a boy named Peter. How he grew up loving and adorable, wanting to be like Superman. How he did all the nicest things and said all the nicest words. When he first got his glasses, he loved wearing them because he felt he had x-ray vision. All he wanted was to be liked by everyone. He stole my heart.

And then he walked into his school and killed 10 people. Revenge.

And when I couldn't come to terms with how someone like him, could do something as horrible like that.. Peter said this ..

''They started it''

I then stopped reading because..well, I just had to.