'' Love is the condition in which the happiness

of another person is

essential

to your own ''

I'm sorry but I had to do this.

Hello there, it's not Darshini Mahendan here.

I am Vivian Tan Bo Yee, her best friend in the whole wide world, who has just hacked into her blog, to tell her this ;

I love you so very much! You are one amazing best friend, and I am very, very grateful to have you in my life. :
You are precious, and I love you just the way you are. Remember that. :)

And oh, your password is sooo very predictable. So, change it before someone else figures it out. :P

-More pictures, when you are back here! :)

-vi-

Things that are currently on my mind

From least important to most :

- I don't like certain people's mentality where they're still in this small bubble that ..well, it's just plain SEXIST. Gender bias. And when you reason with them expecting a educational interesting discussion, all you get is crap. crap crap crap crap. O.o'' And then it's like they don't get the point because they don't listen, egoistic much.

- Need to go grocery shopping! :O Need to get shampoo, conditioner, FOOD, hair-tie (cause I lost mine and have been using Chimp's hairclip) ..so many things to buy.

- Thinking of going to watch Mayakam Yenna or something? Mum said to go watch. She NEVER asks me to go watch movies. Well, okay that's an overstatement. =.= She seldom does it. So I'm kinda curious about this. But I can't cause
(i) Exams are coming up
(ii) Henrina don't watch tamil movies, Karu going KL, Darsh already watched
(iii) EXAMS.

- Grace. Is she really out of my life for real? Is this it?

- Christmas :)

-Can't wait to go back home!! LIKE I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW.

-EXAMS :( :(

- Sigh hev. I'm sorry.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
Watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

At your own pace

Everyone experiences different things at different stages of life. At a age where you might be experiencing loss, someone else might be experiencing a win. A day when you experience sadness and someone else experience happiness.

That's life. It is not an absolute thing, it is constantly changing, or growing as how I'd like to say it, at a different pace for everyone.

On the topic of ''Love'' , yes, indeed, I guess it is a great feeling, for someone to love you, to care for you, to constantly care for you, text you, fight with you, sure, I agree. :) And I understand you're feeling all the 'wants' and the 'craving', especially at this age, and when all your friends around you have that 'special someone'.

But that time will come for you, when you're ready.

I think it's a great feeling too, to dream.
To wait, to hope, to wish for a happy future, not knowing if it's there to come. But that's what faith is about.
So until that other awesome part comes, you enjoy this part of the book okay?

You must always remember that. That there is no need to rush. Isn't it fun to enjoy every chapter of the book?
When you're a kid, you enjoy being a kid. And that goes on too, when you're a teen, when you're in the twenties, mid-life.. then there will be no regrets.
You won't find yourself wishing to go back to a time you've missed. There wouldn't be regrets.
And that's when you know you're really contented, and you can take anything as it comes.

I won't say that I'm lucky, I'll say that I'm blessed. :)
But so are you. Just that our ''timing'' ain't the same.
I have him now, you'll find him later on..if it's not anytime soon.

But 'till then, enjoy this ride.
So that once you find him, you'll enjoy that ride too.

Take everything as it go, and have fun.
At your own pace. :)

Life is funny

I have a friend.
We hang out in a big group, poke fun at each other,
crack jokes,
tease each other like crazy.

But at nights, we talk.
About lots of things. Things that are deep.
About life, about relationships,
about us.

And I'm not sure what impression I leave on him,
but he helped me understand lots of things.
Things that I had trouble coping with,
dealing with,
but now I'm starting to understand.

I hope I've helped him too though.

He said yesterday

''Life is kinda funny. Sometimes you'll meet people in your life to help you clear stuffs up.''

To help you deal with things,
to help you see,
to help you understand.

And I guess, I understand now.

Letting go, forgetting, forgiving.

Healing.

Bittersweetness.

''Drifting off to see the world''

ALL ZE' BEST!

For STPM!
I know you girls can do it!
I believe you can!



Eat well, get enough sleep,
don't get TOO stress out.
Just do your best, and He will do the rest. :)

Tons of love, know that my prayers are with you. :)

Miss you girl loads, looking forward to meeting up with you during the Christmas hols!
-yes yes I've explained in the texts I know :P-

I miss you so much :'(

The hardest part about coming to Kedah is that I'm MILES AWAY from you.

Still not used to that part yet.

I am who I am

I'm quiet.
I don't say much.
I get mood out easily.

I'm VERY sensitive.
I need anger management.
I still need to learn how to be patient.

I know how to cheer myself up.
I'm dependable on people, physically.
I don't know how to do much things, yes I admit.
I'm a spoiled child.
But I'm NOT a brat. I'm always willing to learn.

I depend on myself, emotionally.
I have walls, and it's hard to go through them.
Because of that I've hurt many people, and in that process,
I've hurt myself.

I trip easily. Everyday, all the time.
I sing to myself, a lot.
I make up songs when I'm bored. They sound horrible, but I don't care.
I keep singing.

I try not to let what other's say get to me.
Most of the time, they do get to me anyways. But I try.
And when I succeed, I don't care.

I'm scared of INSECTS.
Literally scared..like they can eat me, kill everyone and take over the world.
I scream, hide, hug anyone nearest to me.

I DON'T like milk.
The taste, the smell..I get nauseated.
That includes when I LOOK at milk, or when someone's drinking milk beside me,
or when I walk down the milk aisle in the supermarket.

I'm always scared.
Scared of the future, scared of the past.
I worry easily.
About my family, my friends, people, strangers.
I just don't know how to show it.

I'm strong when others are scared.
I'm protective.

I don't know how to express myself.

I LOVE kids. Babies, toddlers, kids.
I'm always around them, at parties or at get-togethers.
I play with every child I see when I'm out.
At the mall, by the road, at the clinic.
I can't help it, they just make me so happy.

The weather affects the way I feel.
When it's warm or hot, I get snappy.
When it's cool or it just rained, you'll find me very happy.

I'm the happiest during Christmas season.

I'm indecisive.
I take FOREVER to make decisions.
That's why I get headaches when I go shopping. I can't take it.
The pressure, of choosing.
And living with the decision.
Not just with shopping alone.

I'm easily distracted.
Even when I'm listening.
Whether to a lecture, or a friend's confession.
I try my hardest to CONCENTRATE, but I lose myself.

I think a lot.
I space out.
I cry easily.
I get emotional easily.

I'm all for justice, fairness and equality.

I don't judge people and I don't like being judged.
I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I believe in second chances.

I believe in Him, want to be close to Him.

I love truly. And forever.
I just don't know how to show it.

I'm still figuring out myself.
Since I came to AIMST, I've actually been learning about myself.
The good, the bad,
Learning from my mistakes,
learning to love myself, and others.
Learning how to show it.

This is me.
I am who I am,
and you do what you can about it.

Sway to the rythm

I love how you're always there for me.
How you listen to me, your eyes never leaving mine, even when I look away.
How the lines on your forehead form when you're thinking hard.

I get scared when I talk about things, my feelings.
But you never rush me.
I love how everytime I pause, hesitating to continue, you nudge me softly,
word by word.
You wait patiently until I get there.

You've always waited, until I get to you.

Patience, something I don't have.

And I can tell you everything.
You never judge.
Even when I can see it hurts you.

When I get worried about you,
You start making light jokes of the situation,
so I'd smile.

You always do that.
I love how you notice every little thing I do.

How do you remember the things I say, when all I do is keep forgetting?
You remember everything.

How do you do that?

Sometimes my heart pains for you, to have fallen for me.
A mess.

But most of the time, I'm very thankful.
Because if you didn't,
and if you didn't show me you,
I wouldn't have.

I'm the lucky one.
Even though you keep insisting the other way round.

I'm thankful you know.
For you.
For us.



I'm a mess that way.
You're the glue that's holding us together.

All in time. :)

Goodbye hurts the most when people leave without saying them

There is a reason for everyone you meet in your life.
A reason why they are there in the first place.

Sometimes people are meant to meet, fall in love but not meant to be together.
To leave at a point, to go on separate paths.

Lessons to be learned, feelings to be felt.
Memories to be made, and remembered.
Or let go.

I don't know the rules that were meant to be followed.
I don't know the lessons that I was suppose to learn.

But I do know that I am grateful.
That it happened,
when it happened.
That you mattered,
when everything mattered.

When you're part of someone's life for so long,
mattered for so long,
it becomes a part of you.

Well, a part of me.
And I don't know if that part of me will always be there.

I want to let go,
to say a proper goodbye,
to talk about things,
things that were said,
things that were unsaid.

''If saying goodbye hurts so much, why do we say goodbye? Because it hurts so much more to keep holding on to something that isn't there. Like you're hanging off a ledge and someone is jumping up and down on your hands but you still can't let go. Like when you're little and you're being tickled...you shout for it to stop because it's torture, but then you go back for more, because somehow being tickled makes you feel safe and special.

Holding on is like that...but the torture is painful...and it doesn't make you smile. That's why we're supposed to say goodbye. That's why we're meant to let go''

And I want to let go.

Paperweight

Been up all night
Staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way
With so many before
But this feels like the first time
You want the sunrise
To go back to bed
I want to make you laugh

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers
I'm waiting
Every word you say I think
I should write down
I don't want to forget
Come daylight

Happy to lay here
Just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue
Paperweight on my back
Cover me like a blanket

And no need to worry
That's wasting time
And no need to wonder
What's been on my mind
It's you
It's you

Every word you say I think
I should write down
Don't want to forget
Come daylight

And I give up
I let you win
You win 'cause I'm not counting
You made it back
To sleep again
Wonder what you're dreaming

VIVIAN TAN BO YEE

You're my best friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD -I feel like a 6year old O.o'' haha

But it's true. I'm sorry I've been hurting you with my 'awesome' time-management, my sleepyness, always saying the wrong things at the wrong time. If I'm you, I'd get so annoyed. I don't even know how you put up with me.

You're so strong. You have a horrible best friend and yet, you're always there for her. You're amazing, you know that?

I'm going to try to be awesome-er too. Awesome like you.
I don't want to hurt you anymore and make you feel sad all the time.
I won't want to constantly feel bad when we fight all the time.
I DON'T want to fight all the time.

I'm going to try to be better.
I can't promise you that the change would be immediately, cause everything takes time, right?
This too, takes time.

Bear with me on this okay?

I love you, like freaking a lot. :)
Can't wait to see you on tuesday, we have SO MUCH to catch up on.

And we'll be doing this for many more years to come.
I can promise you THAT. :)

''I miss the past form of you'' - REPLY

A reply to thisposthere

I'm sorry for the very late reply..had exams and stuffs.

And hey, that girl is so not lost at all. It's still in me. I'm still me. It's just, change as in, yes you're right, adapting to the new environment.

You know how they say that when you mix with a certain group of people, as time passes, you sorta have similar characteristics..like them? I guess it's the same with me too. And I can tell, some are sorta good. I've gained self confidence, I can carry out conversations without feeling all insecure.. these people helped (is helping) me let go and start over. I hang out with them a lot, and I can see myself having the similar traits.

Before this, I was sorta down about it. I felt like I'm letting go of myself, and being someone else. But then, now I'm starting to like the person I am. This is me, getting out of my shell, trying out new things, stepping out of my comfort zone.. And you know how rarely that happens. I'm usually just comfortable with a small group of people and fearing everything that is unfamiliar. But things are changing.

You say you admire the person i was back then. And I'm guessing it's those traits you've told me about. Hey, I still have those traits. It just, I may have wavered off here and there, but I'm still me.

And I'm never letting me go.
I'm never letting you go.

I don't walk out of people's lives, despite what some might think. I have my reasons for doing the things I do. They may not be the RIGHT reasons, but trust me, they are reasons in your favour. It's always in other people's favour when it comes to me. Once I love someone, I love. And that doesn't stop. No matter what happens.

Even when people change.
Even when people leave.
Even when people hurt me,
humiliate me,
curse me,
use me..

I don't stop. I always wish I can change that part about myself, that I can stop easy, or move on easy, but I'm not like that.
And this applies to you too.
In this case, I left, I would like to say I left not by choice, but that would be lying. I did leave by choice, however it's due to circumstances.
But that doesn't mean you're not important anymore.
That doesn't mean I don't love you.

It just means there's distance between us, and we gotta work harder in keeping contact, that's all.
And since I'm gonna meet you tomorrow, I think we're doing just fine.

You'll see me tomorrow.
The brand new me.
Which is a mixture of the old me, and a few changes here and there.
I hope you like it.

Let me know. :)

I said

''I'm sorry I'm difficult''

He said,

''Well baby, nothing good comes easy''

I know I have huge trust issues, but with you, it's easy.
And I don't even wonder why.

You're pretty awesome with your guitar.

Just thought of letting ya know that. :)

p/s Blogging this when you're playing..

:P

We were free like water, flowing down under the warmth of the sun

4th October 2011, 2.32 a.m :)


''And as we lie, beneath the stars,
we realise how small we are,
if they could love like you and me,
imagine what the world could be''

I was holding on to you, like someone broken,
and you told me..

'Just let me hold you while you're falling apart..
just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
Fall on me'

Hey,thanks for letting me fall on you.
You make my 'everyday' beautiful..
Who'd knew we would be an 'us' ? .. :)

ps : Yesterday just keeps replaying over and over on my mind. It waskinda perfect. :)



pps : So can't believe you slept early tonight! grr.. But hey, a part of me is happy that you fell asleep .. so then you wouldn't be awake to keep me up so late. :P Kidding.. :) Goodnight, love.

Random

Sometimes you don't know you're falling in love until you've fallen.

I guess this time I'm very lucky that someone's there to catch me.
Thank you..


So what now? ... :)

:)

Officially a closed chapter.

The beginning of another book. :)