At The Beach

That's where I am and where you're not :P

This is how I feel today

''Taking the easy way out''

I've been disappointing a lot of people lately. And for reasons that I don't think it's fair to be angry at me about.

Let's take a look at the situation here. I've been in Kedah for the past 3 weeks and I'm back for one week since it's the Raya hols. I have best friends and many other awesome friends who wants to meet up. And the feeling's mutual. I haven't seen them all in a VERY long time and yes, I miss them like crazy.

And then one day last week, dad called me up and told me about taking a family vacation to PD. I told him I made plans with my friends and if it's possible to have the vacation sometime in the middle of the week. He says okay. However yesterday, he told me that he already booked and paid for this posh hotel for Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. Everyone is going.

So I had to tell all my friends that I couldn't make it on what we initially planned but if it's okay to postpone. But instead I got lots of angry people at my back that they can start an angry club about me.

I'm sorry but family comes first. I'm sorry for last minute cancelling but I was told last minute too. It wasn't cause I don't want to, I pretty much don't have a choice because it's not just MY schedule, it's everyone else's too. Like my dad, he's only free the first half of the week. Arun is back from RMC the first half of the week. I understand that they have their schedule too and that they're pretty much busy on every other day of the week. So either reschedule, or forget about meeting up. Don't go all emotional saying I don't care because if that's what you think of me, then maybe you don't know me at all.

A part of me is really angry that I feel like never coming back to KL just to stay out of this stupid dilemma. But another part of me feels happy.

To have a huge group of people angry at me that they couldn't meet up with me for the hols.

Usually (from other people's experiences), when one can't meet up, everyone just go ''it's okay, next time then :)'' but instead, I got ''FINE. WHATEVER.''s and ''Right. I saw this coming. You don't really care, do you?'' .. that really accounts for something right?

In this midst of all this anger, frustrations and jealousy, I guess I'm feeling all the love.

Thank you. :)
And I'm sorry.

I will make it up to you all, someday.

When I say something and someone else has a say in it, it usually doesn't work out. Not because of me, it's because of them.
But this is ME making a promise, that only I can fulfill.
I stay true to MY word.

It's up to you to believe me.

BACK HOME!

In KL. :)

Home sweet home.

Just - 25th August 2011

It's raining heavy here. I really love it when it rains. And remember when I said that the heat here in Kedah is different than the heat in KL? Well, the rain is different too.. I love it. :) You won't know what I mean 'till you come here to Kedah and experience the rain. Seriously, come. haha..

We had only one hour class today. For the first 100 students, cause we already had lab yesterday and pbl session last week. For the second 100 students, pity, up till 5 today. :P

Anyways, yesterday's game of truth & dare, really left an impact. =.='' We all couldn't look at each other without smiling, and everyone else who didn't play the game sorta notice it. We had questions where ''if you had to pick a person in aimst to do ________________'' ..and when we see the person today, we all get weirded out. =='' GILERRR haha. Then today I told them ''Let's NEVER play the game again'' ..and everyone said ''Agreeed.''

Well, yesterday after the game, I asked __ about her first time and I loved what she told me :

''I want to tell you but .. I think it's best if you go find it out yourself.. But just remember, don't rush things.. Take things as they go. At 19, it might not mean a lot to him, but it will mean everything to you.. And trust me darsh, you'll never forget your first. :)''

Oh and just fyi, I'm the kind who waits, 'till marriage. I'm all for celibacy. But I like listening to stories., especially true ones. To hear detailed accounts of their feelings, to try to imagine what it's like. According to Henrina, that's good, because it means I'm a 'normal' person..haha..

(Because in this group of mine, I seem to be one of the VERY FEW who's 'different').

Anyways, for these past two weeks, we have been singing the same song over & over again, it's sorta like our theme song I suppose..

1. Adele - Rolling in the deep
2. Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - Lucky

And of course, because we're all going home, the ultimate theme song is

''I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world that I'm coming home''

I made a list of chapters I plan to study during the one week holiday. I HAVE to, no exception. Darsh, you've procastinated enough, seriously, start gearing up or you'll be left behind. I hang out with a whole bunch of people who believes in BALANCE. Their motto ''Study when you HAVE to, have fun when you WANT to'' and it seems to work for them. Straight A's, JPA scholars, on dean's list. Yes, the entire group I hang out with. But I have this uneasy feeling that, maybe I'm not quite that type. But I should be, BALANCE is great in everything right? Yea, well, for now, I need to go all nerd 24/7, just to catch up, then maybe as time goes on, I can learn to start balancing.

OMG DID I TELL YOU HOW AWESOME THE RAIN IS IN KEDAH?

Anyways, the medical books are REALLY huge & heavy. I almost dropped to the floor when Karu handed me one to look through the other day.

Oh! And my right foot is weird. I knew I always had weird foot but never did I realise it was actually THAT bad. o.o'' I wore flats yesterday and I watched my feet while I was walking and then I saw what everyone meant (yes for the FIRST time). No wonder I kept falling and walking into things. I can't walk straight. Karu & Henrina thinks it's cute, but I was so self-conscious yesterday. Yes, about my FEET..Of all parts.. ==''

Okay I think I've crapped enough for today. Entertained much? haha.. I'm going to go have lunch now.

Oh and I've been dreaming of AIMST food for the past few days. I dreamed about walking to the counter and seeing the same food everyday and feeling sick. I find it so funny that I can even get sick of AIMST food in my dreams. =='' But I kinda see this as a good thing? In cyberjaya, the food was A-W-E-S-O-M-E, so it was no wonder I gained 12kgs in a YEAR. =.='' But here, the food, well it's okay, but there isn't much variety and sometimes the food looks weird.. so I just take a bit. I hope this goes on, because then I'd lose those 12kgs I gained in CYBER here in AIMST in no time. :D

Yes, positive thinking helps. ;)

Kay, ciao. :)

Awkward-ness aside

Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!

I'll be in KL tomorrow night. :)

Yayyyy. ;p

Tonight .=.=''

What's up with me and nights?
Anyways...
We didn't feel like studying today so we just walked around campus talking. Then we sat somewhere and played Truth or Dare. But because we were so lazy to do DARES we sorta just played TRUTHS anyways.

And I was taken on a ride.

I guess I was still in my little bubble, sorta 'away' from the current world. So when I have friends my age, or of different age talking about their personal experiences in life, at first I was curious. But then I got scared. Why, I don't know, but just really scared.

Questions like ''How many times....?''' with answers like ''20 on average?'' ..and questions like ''how long...?'' with answers like ''this long (demonstrates)''. When the question ''how long'' was asked I literally thought it was something like ''How long was your first kiss?'' ..but instead it was a whole other meaning. Questions about bj's and 'most extreme'..

The questions were sorta of the same theme but ranges over..well, waayyy over my imagination.
My curiousity level kept increasing but then at a certain point, I wanted the information to stop. Everyone turned to me and asked me if I was okay, and that they knew they shouldn't have had me exposed to this, but they thought that it was about time, being 19 and all.

But really? Do I REALLY want to know?
Everyone decided to stop playing as my face got expressionless and when I wasn't laughing anymore. On the way back, _____ & _______ kept asking me if I was okay and if I still see them in the same way as before.

I do I do, I don't judge people. But it's just, this is a whole different environment I'm in, with different people with experiences that makes them who they are. And I'm hanging out with them, which in time, will make me a different person too.

So why do I feel like crying so much?


I feel like a kid waking up one day and discovering that Santa doesn't exist.

And I can't seem to figure out why.
WHY? SERIOUSLY WHY?

OMG DRAMA much?
Or am I missing something?

18sx

I think my college friends are really corrupting me. ==''

Barely a month here and I know so many stuffs.
Stuffs which I'd rather now have learned in the first place. ==''

ARGHH MY EARS MY EARS. -.-

And when I ask them to stop they said
''Don't worry Darsh, spend a year with us and you'd achieve PhD in this topic ;)''

APA NI? ==

Future doctors of the world I tell you. haha

Tonight

Spending tonight listening to worship songs. They're great comforters aren't they..?

I guess I don't realise I needed Him when I had everything with me, when my parents were a doorstep away, when I had everything. Now I'm away from all that, with my dead handphone, sure, I still have the laptop and my friends here, but there's a part of me, always feeling lonely. Yearning for something. For comfort.

Then I remembered something. Weeks ago when I was packing, I kept thinking I was forgetting something, something VERY important. But I couldn't figure out what it was. I searched my bag, checked the list again, double-checked everything and I left, with that feeling in my that something was missing.

Today I remember.
I forgot my Bible.

Who does that? == Me, that's who.

I'm going to read Karunya's Bible later.
It's times like this when you remember what you NEEDED in the first place.
And then I feel like kicking myself for not remembering it in the first place.
To have situations like this, having to be reminded.

Uneasy feeling, but the worship songs are calming me down.
This feeling, is one that I love.

=/

Just my second week here and I'm already exhausted from studying.

STUDY STUDY STUDY CONTINOUSLY, and then rest. then STUDY STUDY STUDY. and it's like neverending.

This is what it's gonna be like .. forever. (in the medical field)

Ohhh well.

Going to bed now!
*HAPPY* :)