To get what you want, but not what you need

It's usually one way or another.. Back in Cyber, I always get what I needed, not I wanted. And because of that, I guess I was pretty much miserable. I had to FORCE myself to be happy ..and yes, in the long run, the faking sorta became true. But the effort put into happiness, wasn't something I would have wanted it to be in the first place. But looking back now, the year was fruitful. I don't regret anything, those experiences were needed to make me, and I am so very grateful.

Over here, I realise, I am getting what I want. I am happy, I don't have to force myself to be, happiness comes, just like that, no effort needed. But then, this scares me. How will this turn out?

I've always had this feeling since I was younger, that everything is mapped out for me. I have to start telling myself that it is my choices and my decisions that affects everything that comes next. I shouldn't be walking on the path paved for me by others, or the path I think I should go, but instead to walk the path I want to.

I've been praying a lot lately, asking God for his guidance.. What pulled me back to him? Fear, uncertainty, confusion..but above all, I needed Him. To remind me of who I am, who I'm suppose to be and what I'm suppose to do here. I keep straying, I notice. Even right now, I've strayed off. I can keep telling myself this is wrong, what I'm doing is wrong, but then , I just continue off. I know it's because of my curiousity, on whether I can walk this path and still make this work. But the fear is here because I'm a person who always gravitates towards familiarity. Unlike people like Henrina.

She would try out everything..when she bought a new printer, she was just pressing every button, not afraid of the result of her actions. When she buys anything, she would handle them like she owns them for so long, eventhough it was her first time using it and she does not know how. I on the other hand, I hesitate. I think, I stare, I handle it slowly, softly..but in the end, I always end up calling someone else for help. I was afraid of making my own mistakes, even though sometimes, mistakes are suppose to be made. So we can learn from them.

So when face with a choice to walk down the path that I know, and the path I don't, eventhough I am ALREADY on the unknown path, I keep stopping, hesitating..I can't stop thinking about the familiar path, and how much safer if I'm on that road. But then again, I'm not turning back. I just keep worrying and worrying, but still not making the change I need to.

Just worrying.
If this will turn out well.

I've got a friend

I've got this friend
I don't think you know her
She sings a simple song
It sounds a lot like his

Oh I've got this friend
Holding onto her heart
Like it's a little secret
Like it's all she's got to give

Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, if the right one came, along


I love watching people, observing them, watching the things they'll do when they think no ones watching. You can sorta have a glimpse into the kind of person they are. No, you can't know a person by just looking at them, but by bits and pieces of their actions, you sorta get a picture.

Of all people I watch, my favourite is when one does not do anything. He or she would just be sitting there and staring off, into the horizon, thinking. I love to see their facial expression, and the lines on the forehead as they think hard, their head filled with thoughts jumping here and there. I'd like to figure out what they're thinking but mostly, I just watch.

In AIMST, I get frustrated.. Because everyone's connected. I can sit and observe something, then finding something out through an observation, and I can sorta solve the problem because I observed someone else who has the answers. But then, I'm not the scriptwriter aren't I? I can't just play them like their chess pieces, eventhough I want to so much, because I know that would result in a happier ending.

But then again, we all need a little bit of sadness here and there right? Then we'd know to appreciate happiness. And there's no rush in that. All in good time. :)

MORE

You know the SWITCH shop in village mall, the one we always go and play with their APPLE stuffs? the macbook, the ipad, the ipod..and we always take TONS of pictures there, and leave them? :D And everyone will be staring at us.. :D then, we go on facebook at the shop itself and post all the pictures. Like these :

There's actually tons of people staring at us around, but sucks, can't see them. Sigh, feeling like a SUPERSTAR much? :P

okay, now I feel so sakai-ish =.=

BUT IT'S A TRADITION!
WE HAVE TO DO IT EVERY TIME WE GO THERE. :)
Nevermind the stares.
Because we're cool like that. :P

MEDICAL STUDENTS. =.=

This is what we've been doing lately... We've also recorded tons of vids of ourselves singing and laughing around. HILARIOUS. But then henrina wants to post them on facebook. We're like NOOO WAAYYYYY.

They'd kill me if they knew I uploaded this pic : HAHAHAHA

Don't ya think Darsh and Darsh makes an excellent couple? :P Everyone says we complement each other well..hahaha :D

The three of us :)

This is our true inner selves. Yes, we're actually Ju-On reincarnated. :P


:p
FUNNY LAHHH.
EXPECT MORE TO COME. :p

YES YES PEACE OUT. :p

No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't.

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world.

As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie?

So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

Just wanna say congratulations!

The SPM trial results are out and my dad called me to tell me what Arun had achieved. He got :

6 'A+'s, 2 'A's, 2 'A-'s.. My dad was a bit disappointed that he missed out on the last two cause when they check the paper, it was silly mistakes, and my dad does not like silly mistakes. -.-

But I, for one, am so proud of my brother. :)

CONGRATULATIONS on achieving such awesome results, and for being the TOP STUDENT IN RMC. #1 is your spot, right there. Not to say anything, but RMC is like, you have to be a really GOOD student to get in there, and to be the best CONSISTENTLY among the rest, is really an awesome thing.

But knowing Arun, he'd still be stressing out and push himself further.
It's a good thing, cause he can rest afterwards. :) .. I'm worried for his wellbeing, but about him achieving AWESOME RESULTS for SPM later, that I have no doubt at all.

Guess he's gonna apply for tons of scholarships now.
And he's aiming for ONE in particular.
Medicine, in IRELAND.
I'll pray for him.

But yeah, am so freaking prouddd.. :)

Henrina's blogging this=p

I want to go eat NOW.

Like NOW.

Or not I'll DIE.

It's like GOSSIP GIRL IN AIMST!

DRAMA. DRAMA. DRAMA.

The fun, the fights, the rumors, the gossips, the heartbreaks, the tears, the friendship, the laughters.
It's crazy.

And it scares me, that studies are right now not the main focus of my life.
No, it really is. It is the main focus, it's the distractions I guess.
And getting into dramas, are not the kind of person I am.
Its a totally different environment, that's for sure.

I can honestly tell you, that you guys will love watching us. THAT's how DRAMATIC we are. I don't think I'm dramatic though, but hanging out with dramatic people sorta get you there, don't you think? Like Jenny & Dan, and how they got involved.

I can't blog about what's going on/happened because
1) Too public
2) I'll let Gossip Girl do her job ;)

Yes, we have a ''gossipgirl'' in our bunch too. And yes, she has a blog. Good luck finding it. ;)

A part of me is happy, because at the end of this journey, the beginning of another, I can look back at this and see much more..more than books and notes and exams.

''you know you love me,
xoxo, gossip girl. ;)''