in 2012.
Imagine it happening.
What do you do? Tell your mum & dad you love them? Hug your brothers and sisters? Kneel down in prayer?
I think I'd freeze. I'd probably just stand there and cry.
I dreamt about this many times. And every time, I just freeze. I wanted to express the way I feel, let important people know how much I love them or how much I'm sorry for the hurt and the pain I've caused.
But I've never been able to do that, especially not with my family. I don't open up or share, no one does. It just goes plain awkward.
With people too. It's so hard to tell someone I love them or that I miss them. I usually muster all my strength in me that I can, and say it. Except for all the 'loves!' on facebook, that's just following the norm of the society. No, not about me blending in, but to not make anyone else uncomfortable.
I know I am getting better, I do work on it. Try harder. Because I don't want this part of me to stay the same. I want to be able to hug freely, express freely. I am already on the road to that.
But I was always afraid that just because I don't say it, does not mean I don't love. I just always wished they would know. Perhaps through signs. But even THAT I'm bad at. I can probably just go be a robot.
But what if they don't know? What if somewhere along the way, they missed the signs?
In my dreams, I'd tell myself, Darsh, say it! Tell them, it's now or never. But I never did say anything. I would always just freeze, and break down crying silently and as I feel the end coming near,
all I do is close my eyes.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Everything worth having...
Comes with trials worth withstanding.Anyways...
You can clearly see what I'm missing right now. :(
Monday, September 19, 2011
No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't.
“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world.
As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie?
So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
Sunday, July 24, 2011
:)
If you have a moment, head on over to youtube and searched for the video lyrics to the song ''Waiting on a Woman'' by Brad Paisley.
This song never fails to tear me up every time. :)
This song never fails to tear me up every time. :)
Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
''You waitin' on a woman?''
I nodded yeah and said, ''How 'bout you?''
He said, ''Son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman.''
When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said, ''I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on.''
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah, she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.
He said, ''The wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman.''
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, ''I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman.''
And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.
I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.
Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman...
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wake Me Up.
Dreamed something weird last night. And I'm going to drone on and on about it, so you can stop reading now if you want to :D
I dreamed that my college was having a carnival, except it was at my old school. My really OLD primary school, SK Seri Mega. All my college friends were there and we were all having fun, you know, the usual crazyness :)
At the end of the day we get to go on a ride, a HUGE ROLLER-COASTER, on top of the hill (at the back of Seri Mega school's field, there's a hill that is covered with greens). So after the carnival, we all hiked up the hill to head towards the roller-coaster?
(okay yes, I know some parts does not make sense :)
On the way up, we saw an empty chinese temple. But we ignored it and went higher up. I felt odd about the temple but ignored it, thinking about the roller-coaster. We finally reached the top and there was nothing there. So we decided to hike back down to the temple and ask anyone there.
When we entered the temple grounds, I was surprised, in a not good way. I dreamed about this temple, like 10 years ago, back when I was still living in Puchong. This temple is not a temple for the Gods, more like the temple for satan, or the pathway to hell or something. And they steal souls, until the people cease to disappear.
The last time I dreamed about this temple, I dreamed that my family went there for sightseeing, and they disappeared. Many people were killed and stuffs. But I managed to convinced them to let my family and I go, as long as we don't tell this to anyone. And in return, I had to promise them something.
I was befriended a little girl on my trip and I had to give her up. Because she was young, she had more 'life years' and energy in her, that they could make use of. I agreed.
And we left the temple, watching everyone disappearing.
Watching the girl being left behind.
I woke up from that dream feeling so guilty, I was depressed for DAYS.
Anyways, back to last night's dream, I was back to the same temple. Except, in my previous dream, the temple was full of people. But in this dream, the temple was empty. Other than the detailed characteristics, it looks like it had aged. Like 10 years.
I said to everyone ''I bet this is not it, let's go'' but Mero said let's just go check it out. She and Priyaa led the group towards a corner place where there was a souvenir shop. Izuddin said ''Eee mcm ada hantu je'' .. and everyone told him to shut up. I kept quiet trying to think if this was the same place, if it was going to happen again.
When we entered the souvenir shop, it was surprisingly new. Inside, there were three people. Two of them were the exact people from my previous dream! .. When I walked in, they smiled at me, as if they knew me from before, but quickly turned to my friends and asked them ''How may I help you?'' .. Fashli asked for the entrance to the roller-coaster and the guy said its through here but we have to wait for a while.
Priyaa then found a cool toy camera (??) and started playing around with it. Everyone started filling around the shop, looking at things to buy. Vino asked me why I look so weird but I said nothing.
As I look around the shop, it started to get weird. I kept getting flashes. For a while it would seem like my friends were browsing around and marvelling at all the things in the shop but the next thing, I'd see an empty shop, with my friends holding nothing but fully believing that they were holding something. The flashes kept going on and off for so long, I realised it was because I knew the truth, that this place is not real, and we had to get out of here, fast.
I turned and saw Mr.Shahril, working there. He smiled and told me there was nothing to worry about. I thought to myself, they're probably digging at our memory, trying to find a leader, a teacher that we trust easily, and found him. Because why on earth would Mr.Shahril be working at the Chinese temple? ..It made no sense. He just smiled at me and never took his eyes off me.
I told everyone ''Hey, let's go out for a second! We can look around!'' cheerfully and lead them out. Once out, I told them ''Let's get out of here, we can come back later with out lecturers or something :D'' .. Youwannia asked me what's wrong and why do I look so worried. I tried to hide it because I remembered, I was not suppose to say anything. That was as promised before.
I then said ''No, it's just this wait may take long so why not we go and get our lecturers or something? It will be more fun! :D'' ..Mero said she's lazy to go all the way back down and then come back up. Meera said the same thing too, and then she said 'JOM MASUK BALIK! SHOPPINGGG'' .. and practically half of the crowd went back in.
I turned around and saw a girl, standing, watching, from at the other end of the temple. I asked my friends ''Can you see her?'' and they all went '' um....who?'' ..
I started arguing and I can tell they got fed up. Taranya finally told me that if I want to, I can go call the lecturers myself. =='' And they stomp back in. Angrily. Annoyed. I couldn't tell. I was too worried I guess.
Vino and Renee told me they would follow me down if I want. I looked around and when I saw the girl again, the one whose soul I exchanged for my own and my family, I said ''Okay''.
On our way down, I kept turning back to see if the temple was there. It was, alright.
Till we reached the office, but when we came back out, it wasn't.
The entry to the roller-coaster was on some other side.
There was no route to a temple.
There was no temple.
The next day, the papers reported of more than 20 people went missing.
Without a trace.
Grrr.. I couldn't wake up today morning because I was so sleepy.
Dreams like this exhaust me.
And it amazes me, that I can still dream of the same thing more than 10 years later. The temple, the people, the details, were all so accurate.
Consciously, all this has long been forgotten.
But subconsciously, I guess the brain keeps track of everything..
Even weird dreams.
OMG GUILTY FEELING MUCH ==''
I dreamed that my college was having a carnival, except it was at my old school. My really OLD primary school, SK Seri Mega. All my college friends were there and we were all having fun, you know, the usual crazyness :)
At the end of the day we get to go on a ride, a HUGE ROLLER-COASTER, on top of the hill (at the back of Seri Mega school's field, there's a hill that is covered with greens). So after the carnival, we all hiked up the hill to head towards the roller-coaster?
(okay yes, I know some parts does not make sense :)
On the way up, we saw an empty chinese temple. But we ignored it and went higher up. I felt odd about the temple but ignored it, thinking about the roller-coaster. We finally reached the top and there was nothing there. So we decided to hike back down to the temple and ask anyone there.
When we entered the temple grounds, I was surprised, in a not good way. I dreamed about this temple, like 10 years ago, back when I was still living in Puchong. This temple is not a temple for the Gods, more like the temple for satan, or the pathway to hell or something. And they steal souls, until the people cease to disappear.
The last time I dreamed about this temple, I dreamed that my family went there for sightseeing, and they disappeared. Many people were killed and stuffs. But I managed to convinced them to let my family and I go, as long as we don't tell this to anyone. And in return, I had to promise them something.
I was befriended a little girl on my trip and I had to give her up. Because she was young, she had more 'life years' and energy in her, that they could make use of. I agreed.
And we left the temple, watching everyone disappearing.
Watching the girl being left behind.
I woke up from that dream feeling so guilty, I was depressed for DAYS.
Anyways, back to last night's dream, I was back to the same temple. Except, in my previous dream, the temple was full of people. But in this dream, the temple was empty. Other than the detailed characteristics, it looks like it had aged. Like 10 years.
I said to everyone ''I bet this is not it, let's go'' but Mero said let's just go check it out. She and Priyaa led the group towards a corner place where there was a souvenir shop. Izuddin said ''Eee mcm ada hantu je'' .. and everyone told him to shut up. I kept quiet trying to think if this was the same place, if it was going to happen again.
When we entered the souvenir shop, it was surprisingly new. Inside, there were three people. Two of them were the exact people from my previous dream! .. When I walked in, they smiled at me, as if they knew me from before, but quickly turned to my friends and asked them ''How may I help you?'' .. Fashli asked for the entrance to the roller-coaster and the guy said its through here but we have to wait for a while.
Priyaa then found a cool toy camera (??) and started playing around with it. Everyone started filling around the shop, looking at things to buy. Vino asked me why I look so weird but I said nothing.
As I look around the shop, it started to get weird. I kept getting flashes. For a while it would seem like my friends were browsing around and marvelling at all the things in the shop but the next thing, I'd see an empty shop, with my friends holding nothing but fully believing that they were holding something. The flashes kept going on and off for so long, I realised it was because I knew the truth, that this place is not real, and we had to get out of here, fast.
I turned and saw Mr.Shahril, working there. He smiled and told me there was nothing to worry about. I thought to myself, they're probably digging at our memory, trying to find a leader, a teacher that we trust easily, and found him. Because why on earth would Mr.Shahril be working at the Chinese temple? ..It made no sense. He just smiled at me and never took his eyes off me.
I told everyone ''Hey, let's go out for a second! We can look around!'' cheerfully and lead them out. Once out, I told them ''Let's get out of here, we can come back later with out lecturers or something :D'' .. Youwannia asked me what's wrong and why do I look so worried. I tried to hide it because I remembered, I was not suppose to say anything. That was as promised before.
I then said ''No, it's just this wait may take long so why not we go and get our lecturers or something? It will be more fun! :D'' ..Mero said she's lazy to go all the way back down and then come back up. Meera said the same thing too, and then she said 'JOM MASUK BALIK! SHOPPINGGG'' .. and practically half of the crowd went back in.
I turned around and saw a girl, standing, watching, from at the other end of the temple. I asked my friends ''Can you see her?'' and they all went '' um....who?'' ..
I started arguing and I can tell they got fed up. Taranya finally told me that if I want to, I can go call the lecturers myself. =='' And they stomp back in. Angrily. Annoyed. I couldn't tell. I was too worried I guess.
Vino and Renee told me they would follow me down if I want. I looked around and when I saw the girl again, the one whose soul I exchanged for my own and my family, I said ''Okay''.
On our way down, I kept turning back to see if the temple was there. It was, alright.
Till we reached the office, but when we came back out, it wasn't.
The entry to the roller-coaster was on some other side.
There was no route to a temple.
There was no temple.
The next day, the papers reported of more than 20 people went missing.
Without a trace.
Grrr.. I couldn't wake up today morning because I was so sleepy.
Dreams like this exhaust me.
And it amazes me, that I can still dream of the same thing more than 10 years later. The temple, the people, the details, were all so accurate.
Consciously, all this has long been forgotten.
But subconsciously, I guess the brain keeps track of everything..
Even weird dreams.
OMG GUILTY FEELING MUCH ==''
Sunday, July 17, 2011
OMG
Watched the final Harry Potter movie and it was FANTASTIC! LOVED IT TO THE BITS WITH ALL OF THE PIECES OF MY HEART!!
And I didn't cry. I guess I lost all those tears crying for WEEKS after I finished reading the final Harry Potter book all those years ago. Now it's just heartwarming for me.
It literally defined my teenage life.
Lining up at 5am in the morning for the book release, being the first in line, then reading it on the bus to school and back to home. Falling in love with the story all over again. Crying to Grace when she tells me to get over it, it's not real. =='' We were such kids == haha
My first Harry Potter book was when I was in Sri Lanka. I didn't bring any novels with me on the trip and was sulking off, angry at mum cause she didn't let me bring any of my books. She then went to a girl (few years older than me) who was also on the tour with us and asked her if she had any story books. She did. She brought along her entire Harry Potter collection. She lent me one and I read.
And I fell in love. I was in Sri Lanka and I refused to put the book down. It went with me to all places, to the tea shops, the diamond shops, the hotel, the restaurants, the city. The book was in my hand. But the girl had to leave early (she was on a week's tour, I was on the 10days package). I prayed hoping she'd forget the book (I'm so evil == haha). One night dad overheard me praying and the next day, he brought me to the bookshop and there, I bought a Harry Potter book. :)
A few weeks later, I was on a trip to Australia. There, I met this couple, auntie Monica and her husband. They were book freaks :) Their house is completely filled with books! till the ceilings! all stocked up :) .. And they found out I was a book maniac too, so they took me to all the bookshops in town. One day, aunt Monica's husband did a wonderful thing. He pulled me to the side and whispered to me
Him : Can you keep a secret?
Me : Um... yes?
Him : This is the first time in my life I don't know how to spend my book vouchers.
Me : Oh? ..Do you need my help finding any books? *looks around*
Him : *laugh* .. Oh no. I just thought I'd give them to you. *holds out vouchers*
Me : ... *stares at the vouchers*
Him : Go on, take it.
Me : But..what am I to do with these? ..It's okay, I don't need them..
Him : You're actually doing ME a favour. If you don't use them, they'd go to waste.
Me : *unconvinced*
Him : You can pick ANY books you want.. and how many you want, it's up to you. :)
I went straight to the Harry Potter series and took a book. He then said I should take more than one, so I took another one. He insisted I get the entire series but I lied and said ''No it's okay. I've already read them.'' ..
He and aunt Monica told me to wait outside while they settle the book voucher thing. But I saw them paying for it with their own money. Later I found out by taking a peek at the vouchers ..that they are for Biographies.
My next few Harry Potter books I got from Nepal and Malaysia. Gifts from my dad and grandma. :)
I then had the entire collection. From different countries, gifts from different people. The books are worn out, from all the carrying around. But for me, it just shows how much I love them. I love them 'till they're not in good condition. =='' hahaha
When I look at my books, they not only tell me the stories, but the places I've been and the kind people I've met. I've always looked forward to the series and I'd go to harry potter websites using the school's internet.
I guess I am, indeed, one HUGE Harry Potter freak. :) And I love it.
Many people posted on facebook that they feel like crying because it's over. But to me, it's not over. It's still alive, inside of me. And I don't regret anything about it. :)
And I didn't cry. I guess I lost all those tears crying for WEEKS after I finished reading the final Harry Potter book all those years ago. Now it's just heartwarming for me.
It literally defined my teenage life.
Lining up at 5am in the morning for the book release, being the first in line, then reading it on the bus to school and back to home. Falling in love with the story all over again. Crying to Grace when she tells me to get over it, it's not real. =='' We were such kids == haha
My first Harry Potter book was when I was in Sri Lanka. I didn't bring any novels with me on the trip and was sulking off, angry at mum cause she didn't let me bring any of my books. She then went to a girl (few years older than me) who was also on the tour with us and asked her if she had any story books. She did. She brought along her entire Harry Potter collection. She lent me one and I read.
And I fell in love. I was in Sri Lanka and I refused to put the book down. It went with me to all places, to the tea shops, the diamond shops, the hotel, the restaurants, the city. The book was in my hand. But the girl had to leave early (she was on a week's tour, I was on the 10days package). I prayed hoping she'd forget the book (I'm so evil == haha). One night dad overheard me praying and the next day, he brought me to the bookshop and there, I bought a Harry Potter book. :)
A few weeks later, I was on a trip to Australia. There, I met this couple, auntie Monica and her husband. They were book freaks :) Their house is completely filled with books! till the ceilings! all stocked up :) .. And they found out I was a book maniac too, so they took me to all the bookshops in town. One day, aunt Monica's husband did a wonderful thing. He pulled me to the side and whispered to me
Him : Can you keep a secret?
Me : Um... yes?
Him : This is the first time in my life I don't know how to spend my book vouchers.
Me : Oh? ..Do you need my help finding any books? *looks around*
Him : *laugh* .. Oh no. I just thought I'd give them to you. *holds out vouchers*
Me : ... *stares at the vouchers*
Him : Go on, take it.
Me : But..what am I to do with these? ..It's okay, I don't need them..
Him : You're actually doing ME a favour. If you don't use them, they'd go to waste.
Me : *unconvinced*
Him : You can pick ANY books you want.. and how many you want, it's up to you. :)
I went straight to the Harry Potter series and took a book. He then said I should take more than one, so I took another one. He insisted I get the entire series but I lied and said ''No it's okay. I've already read them.'' ..
He and aunt Monica told me to wait outside while they settle the book voucher thing. But I saw them paying for it with their own money. Later I found out by taking a peek at the vouchers ..that they are for Biographies.
My next few Harry Potter books I got from Nepal and Malaysia. Gifts from my dad and grandma. :)
I then had the entire collection. From different countries, gifts from different people. The books are worn out, from all the carrying around. But for me, it just shows how much I love them. I love them 'till they're not in good condition. =='' hahaha
When I look at my books, they not only tell me the stories, but the places I've been and the kind people I've met. I've always looked forward to the series and I'd go to harry potter websites using the school's internet.
I guess I am, indeed, one HUGE Harry Potter freak. :) And I love it.
Many people posted on facebook that they feel like crying because it's over. But to me, it's not over. It's still alive, inside of me. And I don't regret anything about it. :)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Hazy
The haze is getting to me. It's so strong, my entire house smells of smoke. Outside seems as if it's colour has gone a few shades lighter. I don't mind the colour because it seems like I had just stepped into an 80s movie, and I think that's pretty cool. :) It's the smell part I can't take. Feeling suffocated. :/
A few days ago, I dreamed that I had a baby. Then for one moment I forgot I had a baby. And then I lost him. And the rest of the dream was about me frantically searching for him. In deep anger at the person who kidnapped him (??) and at myself for letting him out of my sight. I remember crying like crazy and then forcing myself to stop because the tears were blurring my eyesight. The dream was so vivid that when I woke up, my legs hurt. From all the running around in search of him, I suppose? ==''
I searched the dreamoods site, maybe there's a hidden meaning or something.
Forgetting about a baby, represents an aspect of yourself that you have abandoned or put aside due to life's changing circumstances. The dream may serve as a reminder that it is time for you to pick up that old interest, hobby, or project again.
If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it suggests that you are trying hide your own vulnerabilities; You do not want to let others know of your weaknesses.
I can't connect those interpretation to anything in my life right now.. =='' Oh well. :/
A few days ago, I dreamed that I had a baby. Then for one moment I forgot I had a baby. And then I lost him. And the rest of the dream was about me frantically searching for him. In deep anger at the person who kidnapped him (??) and at myself for letting him out of my sight. I remember crying like crazy and then forcing myself to stop because the tears were blurring my eyesight. The dream was so vivid that when I woke up, my legs hurt. From all the running around in search of him, I suppose? ==''
I searched the dreamoods site, maybe there's a hidden meaning or something.
Forgetting about a baby, represents an aspect of yourself that you have abandoned or put aside due to life's changing circumstances. The dream may serve as a reminder that it is time for you to pick up that old interest, hobby, or project again.
If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it suggests that you are trying hide your own vulnerabilities; You do not want to let others know of your weaknesses.
I can't connect those interpretation to anything in my life right now.. =='' Oh well. :/
Friday, July 1, 2011
Thirsty
I want to go to an island, with a beautiful scenery of the ocean. :)
Haha but obviously I won't dress like that ==''
But I love it, being in water.
I just don't like drinking it.
Dad's at Pulau Sipadan right now ( all expense paid trip, a gift by the MOD to all hardworking teachers who produce excellent results in the pass SPM)
Pulau Sipadan. That place is GORGEOUS.
I saw it on tv a many years ago and wanted to go there ever since.
But I've a long list before that. (like the Great Barrier Reef and Borabora Island)
I've been to Krabi before though, in Thailand. But I was only there for a few hours. .. It was like a dream.. :)
Krabi :)
Vacation..vacation.. :D
Sigh..
Have you been thinking of me?
Cause you've been showing up in my dreams.
And you know what they say about showing up in dreams.
It means.. you miss me. :)
Haha but obviously I won't dress like that ==''
But I love it, being in water.
I just don't like drinking it.
Dad's at Pulau Sipadan right now ( all expense paid trip, a gift by the MOD to all hardworking teachers who produce excellent results in the pass SPM)
Pulau Sipadan. That place is GORGEOUS.
I saw it on tv a many years ago and wanted to go there ever since.
But I've a long list before that. (like the Great Barrier Reef and Borabora Island)
I've been to Krabi before though, in Thailand. But I was only there for a few hours. .. It was like a dream.. :)
Krabi :)Vacation..vacation.. :D
Sigh..
Have you been thinking of me?
Cause you've been showing up in my dreams.
And you know what they say about showing up in dreams.
It means.. you miss me. :)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
CUCMS dilemma
Today morning I headed out to CUCMS to get answers, or at least an explanation as to what is currently going on. Sat down with Dr.Basir and my grandparents and he explained thoroughly. And please keep in mind this is what I was told and I will try to sort this information is the easiest way to comprehend. Here, I'll start from the beginning :
The problem started when the Medical faculty accepted a total number of 236 students for batch 2010 when they were only allowed to take in 150students ( extra 86 students ). When news got out, CUCMS had their license revoked. However, they managed to appeal and got accredited. The batch of medical graduates that CUCMS just produced is recognised.
However, crime and punishment. CUCMS has to pay for the mistake they made. So now, CUCMS have to be accredited EVERY year for ..well, as long as MMC think is necessary. So every year they will come down and survey and then give the green light, or the red light. Also, MMC does not want CUCMS to have an MBBS intake this year, seeing as they were irresponsible and careless the last time. CUCMS is currently appealing for that though.
So now, the question is.. what are we to do next?
Plan A : Wait for CUCMS to get the green light for MBBS intake this year.
1. Will CUCMS get the green light?
Dr.Basir said they are hoping to get a favourable response although there have been indication that that is most likely. Though an indication is not enough, it should be in black & white. Yes, we want to know NOW, CUCMS wants to know NOW however.. it's the response from the MMC that we are waiting for. Without their answer, CUCMS can't tell us anything.
2. When will we get the response?
Dr.Basir said most probably next month. They're trying their best to get an answer A.S.A.P so that we can make the next move.
3. If all is well..
We continue into the medicine faculty in CUCMS provided that our results fits the criteria (I'll touch on this later).
So..what if CUCMS gets the red light instead?
That would be Plan B.
Plan B : We'd be transferred to other respectable ACCREDITED medical institutions.
1. How is that to happen?
CUCMS themselves will arrange for us to be transferred to other accredited universities. However, this is also 'kind of' restricted because other universities would ask of a higher cgpa and also, in our cases, physics. But as promised, CUCMS will do their best to get us into the best colleges for our circumstances.
If we don't want to wait and would rather instead take matters into our own hands
Plan C : We choose to leave CUCMS and head over to other medical institutions.
1. This is something we can do instead of letting everything solved on its own. Research on other medical institutions and move there. Here are the accredited colleges :
-Universiti Malaya
-Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
-Universiti Sains Malaysia
-Universiti Malaysia Sarawak
-Universiti Putra Malaysia
-Penang Medical College
-Universiti Perubatan Antarabangsa
-Universiti Islam Antarabangsa
-Mangalore University/ Manipal Academy of Higher Education
-Royal College of Medicine Perak (MBBS-Malaya Programme)
-Asian Institute of Medicine, Science and Technology
-Universiti Teknologi Mara
-Universiti Malaysia Sabah
-Alliance College of Medical Sciences
-Monash University Sunway Campus
-UCSI University
As you've noticed I took CUCMS out of the list.
Alright, so before I go on, first, what does it mean by 'accredited'.
Accredited, means acknowledged and recognised by the government.
So what if you studied in a non-accredited medical institution?
- You can still practice medicine. However, when you graduated, you have to sit for another exam to be given the licensed to practice medicine. So why worry you ask? Because this test is designed to fail students. It will be very tough and very hard. As you know, there have been many reports on the drastic increase of the doctors in Malaysia and it is alarming as the ratio shows that there are more doctors to patients. So it wouldn't be surprising if many fails this license exam, as the exam itself is designed to control the number of doctors to practice in Malaysia.
Okay, on another note :
Recently, MMC just set a minimum criteria and qualification for entry into the medical programme. And that it is said that there should be a minimum B for all four science subjects : Chemistry, Biology, Physics and Maths. And we all know which subject we're having problem with. Damn you physics haha =='' Okay well, anyways, according to Dr.Basir, everyone in Malaysia is appealing against this, that instead of all FOUR, perhaps a THREE out of four would do. They are appealing because
1. It causes too much constraint and stress on students to achieve high grades on ALL science subjects.
2. There are many students who have already completed their pre-med following the previous requirements. This causes difficulties on entering the medicine faculty.
3. There are many IPTAs & other medical institutions where physics are not one of the courses being offered. What happens there?
If everyone in Malaysia is appealing to the MMC about this, well, most likely it would be granted. Though no promises.
We will be informed (through letter or a phone call) about further changes.. like if CUCMS medical faculty is accredited for our batch or is not, or where we will be placed.
So..
If you're wondering what I'm going to do..
I am going to research about other ACCREDITED medical schools, to find a better one than CUCMS, if not as good, that suits me.
If that fails, I will look for ACCREDITED medical schools with an August intake. I will give CUCMS time but not that much.
But no matter what, I would not go into non-accredited medical schools unless of course, if worst comes to worst.
If you don't find these answers satisfying, well, there is nothing else we can do. Because this is everything they (CUCMS) know.
I hope I explained well. :/ If it's confusing or anything, ask me and I'll try to explain better.
Remember, we're all in this together.
Well, all the best to you guys. :)
The problem started when the Medical faculty accepted a total number of 236 students for batch 2010 when they were only allowed to take in 150students ( extra 86 students ). When news got out, CUCMS had their license revoked. However, they managed to appeal and got accredited. The batch of medical graduates that CUCMS just produced is recognised.
However, crime and punishment. CUCMS has to pay for the mistake they made. So now, CUCMS have to be accredited EVERY year for ..well, as long as MMC think is necessary. So every year they will come down and survey and then give the green light, or the red light. Also, MMC does not want CUCMS to have an MBBS intake this year, seeing as they were irresponsible and careless the last time. CUCMS is currently appealing for that though.
So now, the question is.. what are we to do next?
Plan A : Wait for CUCMS to get the green light for MBBS intake this year.
1. Will CUCMS get the green light?
Dr.Basir said they are hoping to get a favourable response although there have been indication that that is most likely. Though an indication is not enough, it should be in black & white. Yes, we want to know NOW, CUCMS wants to know NOW however.. it's the response from the MMC that we are waiting for. Without their answer, CUCMS can't tell us anything.
2. When will we get the response?
Dr.Basir said most probably next month. They're trying their best to get an answer A.S.A.P so that we can make the next move.
3. If all is well..
We continue into the medicine faculty in CUCMS provided that our results fits the criteria (I'll touch on this later).
So..what if CUCMS gets the red light instead?
That would be Plan B.
Plan B : We'd be transferred to other respectable ACCREDITED medical institutions.
1. How is that to happen?
CUCMS themselves will arrange for us to be transferred to other accredited universities. However, this is also 'kind of' restricted because other universities would ask of a higher cgpa and also, in our cases, physics. But as promised, CUCMS will do their best to get us into the best colleges for our circumstances.
If we don't want to wait and would rather instead take matters into our own hands
Plan C : We choose to leave CUCMS and head over to other medical institutions.
1. This is something we can do instead of letting everything solved on its own. Research on other medical institutions and move there. Here are the accredited colleges :
-Universiti Malaya
-Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
-Universiti Sains Malaysia
-Universiti Malaysia Sarawak
-Universiti Putra Malaysia
-Penang Medical College
-Universiti Perubatan Antarabangsa
-Universiti Islam Antarabangsa
-Mangalore University/ Manipal Academy of Higher Education
-Royal College of Medicine Perak (MBBS-Malaya Programme)
-Asian Institute of Medicine, Science and Technology
-Universiti Teknologi Mara
-Universiti Malaysia Sabah
-Alliance College of Medical Sciences
-Monash University Sunway Campus
-UCSI University
As you've noticed I took CUCMS out of the list.
Alright, so before I go on, first, what does it mean by 'accredited'.
Accredited, means acknowledged and recognised by the government.
So what if you studied in a non-accredited medical institution?
- You can still practice medicine. However, when you graduated, you have to sit for another exam to be given the licensed to practice medicine. So why worry you ask? Because this test is designed to fail students. It will be very tough and very hard. As you know, there have been many reports on the drastic increase of the doctors in Malaysia and it is alarming as the ratio shows that there are more doctors to patients. So it wouldn't be surprising if many fails this license exam, as the exam itself is designed to control the number of doctors to practice in Malaysia.
Okay, on another note :
Recently, MMC just set a minimum criteria and qualification for entry into the medical programme. And that it is said that there should be a minimum B for all four science subjects : Chemistry, Biology, Physics and Maths. And we all know which subject we're having problem with. Damn you physics haha =='' Okay well, anyways, according to Dr.Basir, everyone in Malaysia is appealing against this, that instead of all FOUR, perhaps a THREE out of four would do. They are appealing because
1. It causes too much constraint and stress on students to achieve high grades on ALL science subjects.
2. There are many students who have already completed their pre-med following the previous requirements. This causes difficulties on entering the medicine faculty.
3. There are many IPTAs & other medical institutions where physics are not one of the courses being offered. What happens there?
If everyone in Malaysia is appealing to the MMC about this, well, most likely it would be granted. Though no promises.
We will be informed (through letter or a phone call) about further changes.. like if CUCMS medical faculty is accredited for our batch or is not, or where we will be placed.
So..
If you're wondering what I'm going to do..
I am going to research about other ACCREDITED medical schools, to find a better one than CUCMS, if not as good, that suits me.
If that fails, I will look for ACCREDITED medical schools with an August intake. I will give CUCMS time but not that much.
But no matter what, I would not go into non-accredited medical schools unless of course, if worst comes to worst.
If you don't find these answers satisfying, well, there is nothing else we can do. Because this is everything they (CUCMS) know.
I hope I explained well. :/ If it's confusing or anything, ask me and I'll try to explain better.
Remember, we're all in this together.
Well, all the best to you guys. :)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Attack of the FROGS :(
My weird dreams are back. I used to have them like every night since I can remember but then it stopped for a while, when the holidays started. But yeah, they're back.
Last night I dreamed about Pudu Girl's School. And how much I miss it. :(
And then I dreamed about...about..FROGS! .. :/ And well, have I told you the story when I accidently found a frog in my shoe and then I was phobia of frogs and shoes for more than a year? I wouldn't even TOUCH my shoes. My kakak / Grace had to help me put them on whenever I go out/ at school. Well, until now I still check my shoes. But FROGS??!!! NOOOO WAAAYYYY.. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER FROG EVER AGAINNNNNN T.T
I still remembered how I held the frog and pulled it out from my shoe.. YUCK YUCK YUCK T.T
Last night I dreamed my roomate (??) loved frogs and she had a few. She brought them with her wherever she goes and the frogs would just stare, and SMILE at me. o.o
Like this :
YUCK YUCK OMG ..I even have trouble looking at the picture..
takkk nakkkk :/
Anyways ..
In my dream, the frogs started hopping at me on MY bed.
I screamed, and I woke up..and realised I was screaming out loud .. ==''
My dad came out of his room and ask me ''what happened?''
Sleepily I said
''FROGS!!! :('' and I slept back. ==''
I remember my heart beating so fast I felt like it would EXPLODE.
I DON'T LIKE FROGS.
AND TOADS.
Me faking a smile :/ ..
:/
Though yes, they're GOD CREATIONS AND I LOVE THEM FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE BUT
I TAKKK NAKKKK :/
Wish I don't dream of them, ever again.
Last night I dreamed about Pudu Girl's School. And how much I miss it. :(
And then I dreamed about...about..FROGS! .. :/ And well, have I told you the story when I accidently found a frog in my shoe and then I was phobia of frogs and shoes for more than a year? I wouldn't even TOUCH my shoes. My kakak / Grace had to help me put them on whenever I go out/ at school. Well, until now I still check my shoes. But FROGS??!!! NOOOO WAAAYYYY.. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER FROG EVER AGAINNNNNN T.T
I still remembered how I held the frog and pulled it out from my shoe.. YUCK YUCK YUCK T.T
Last night I dreamed my roomate (??) loved frogs and she had a few. She brought them with her wherever she goes and the frogs would just stare, and SMILE at me. o.o
Like this :
YUCK YUCK OMG ..I even have trouble looking at the picture..
takkk nakkkk :/
Anyways ..
In my dream, the frogs started hopping at me on MY bed.
I screamed, and I woke up..and realised I was screaming out loud .. ==''
My dad came out of his room and ask me ''what happened?''
Sleepily I said
''FROGS!!! :('' and I slept back. ==''
I remember my heart beating so fast I felt like it would EXPLODE.
I DON'T LIKE FROGS.
AND TOADS.
Me faking a smile :/ ..:/
Though yes, they're GOD CREATIONS AND I LOVE THEM FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE BUT
I TAKKK NAKKKK :/
Wish I don't dream of them, ever again.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Balance
Just the other day I was complaining, about how more fun it was at college. About how that with my studies to concentrate on, I had more things to do and less time being bored. I wished it weren't the holidays.
But last night I had a dream. I was back in college, in class..and we had exams coming up. I kept studying and studying (for Bio) and yet, I kept failing. No matter how hard I studied, I could not perform well in the exams. While friends of mine were not seen studying, and they kept scoring. O.o'' I was really stressed. ==''
I woke up being thankful, thankful that it's the HOLIDAYS! IT'S BREAK! I'VE 4 AWESOME MONTHS TO KILL before I've to go back to all that stress.
So I learnt to be thankful. That there's a time for everything.
I spent months being stressed up about college and exams, and now I'll spend months relaxing. Then I'll start being stressed up again when MBBS starts. That's the way it works. It's so much better than being in class, WISHING it's the holidays, and during holidays, WISHING to be back in college.
I don't like WISHING. HOPING. When I wish/hope, I get let down. A lot. Especially when I wish on something that is not up to me to make it come true. Oh well. :)
Appreciate everything as life goes. Balance.
Then time can be well spent. :)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
ShowMeTheMoney $$
Get me this, and I'm yours. :)
Err.. wait, not YOURS exactly but.. I'll OWE you big time.
My dad doesn't want to get me this unless I get a 3.9 average..which is kinda impossible, for ME I mean. But not impossible if you're Joash, or Nirmal, or Candy.. T.T ..
Anyways..yeah, so THAT's why I'm going to work.. so I can get an IPhone.. by myself, with my own money. :D $$
Ka-ching Ka-ching, Bling Bling Bling $$
It's either iphone or a puppy :o
And I want THIS SO BADLY.. but I can't cause..
Arvindra and I are asmathic. :/ And mum does not like animals.
So yeah, IPHONE IT IS! :D
YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH! :D
Friday, April 1, 2011
Blue bicycle
"When I was younger, I used to ride my blue bicycle and wonder how far I could ride without turning back...''
There are many moments in a day when I stop myself to think, about everyone. And their talents.
I watch them doing their thing, in silence, but secretly pondering about the beauty of it. I stare in awe, amazed at what they can do. And wish I can do something like that too.
To be able to sing as awesome as Grace and Joyce can. To be able to do art as awesome as Vi and Grace can. To be able to dance as awesome as Mero and Priyaa can. To be able to speak as awesome as Ariff and Mero can.
"When I started screaming, I finally figured it out. I had always been afraid of not being able to see my future. Of not knowing what I want to do with my life Of not knowing why I don't know what I want to do. And of the days that kept flowing by mercilessly in spite of that"
I remember many years ago during one Sunday class, it was about talents and making use of them. Our teacher made us stand in front of the class and tell them our talents and how we plan to use them, in God's will. I made my teacher skipped me (we were going by rows, and I usually sit in front) so I could have a longer time to think. In the end, my answer was 'I don't know'. I remember feeling like crying, feeling like I had nothing to offer. Felt like I was different from any other person in the class. But my teacher was nice about it. She said to not worry, and that I still had time to figure myself out. I was only ten after all. I believed her.
I remember experimenting. I joined choir to see if I could sing as well as my friends could. Reality : I couldn't. I entered dance performances to see if I could dance. Reality : Was placed at the last row so that the audience could not see me. I started drawing, copying cartoons from Doraemon and Archie to see if I could draw well. Reality : Mum saw me struggling and started drawing the cartoons for me, so I could colour them. I started writing novels, carried a book with me everywhere I went. Eventhough I wrote more than 30stories, I never completed a single one. Reality : Because I felt I was doing it wrong every single time. even joined my brothers playing play station to see if I had a talent for scoring. Reality : I lost every game. I started playing sports too, but stopped when I fractured my ankle. Reality : I'm phobia of sports ever since, because the pain was so unbearable.
And many years later, today, I see myself as no different from the person I was back then.
"I realised why I was lost. It wasn't because I don't have a map, but that I don't have a destination"
There are many moments in a day when I stop myself to think, about everyone. And their talents.
I watch them doing their thing, in silence, but secretly pondering about the beauty of it. I stare in awe, amazed at what they can do. And wish I can do something like that too.
To be able to sing as awesome as Grace and Joyce can. To be able to do art as awesome as Vi and Grace can. To be able to dance as awesome as Mero and Priyaa can. To be able to speak as awesome as Ariff and Mero can.
"When I started screaming, I finally figured it out. I had always been afraid of not being able to see my future. Of not knowing what I want to do with my life Of not knowing why I don't know what I want to do. And of the days that kept flowing by mercilessly in spite of that"
I remember many years ago during one Sunday class, it was about talents and making use of them. Our teacher made us stand in front of the class and tell them our talents and how we plan to use them, in God's will. I made my teacher skipped me (we were going by rows, and I usually sit in front) so I could have a longer time to think. In the end, my answer was 'I don't know'. I remember feeling like crying, feeling like I had nothing to offer. Felt like I was different from any other person in the class. But my teacher was nice about it. She said to not worry, and that I still had time to figure myself out. I was only ten after all. I believed her.
I remember experimenting. I joined choir to see if I could sing as well as my friends could. Reality : I couldn't. I entered dance performances to see if I could dance. Reality : Was placed at the last row so that the audience could not see me. I started drawing, copying cartoons from Doraemon and Archie to see if I could draw well. Reality : Mum saw me struggling and started drawing the cartoons for me, so I could colour them. I started writing novels, carried a book with me everywhere I went. Eventhough I wrote more than 30stories, I never completed a single one. Reality : Because I felt I was doing it wrong every single time. even joined my brothers playing play station to see if I had a talent for scoring. Reality : I lost every game. I started playing sports too, but stopped when I fractured my ankle. Reality : I'm phobia of sports ever since, because the pain was so unbearable.
And many years later, today, I see myself as no different from the person I was back then.
"I realised why I was lost. It wasn't because I don't have a map, but that I don't have a destination"
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Dream?
Last night I dreamed about a college friend of mine. I'm not close to her, but she's nice. Sweet. She's really smart, always smiling, always having a hand ready to help. Anyways, I dreamed she got pregnant.
Well, I didn't dream exactly how she got pregnant, or who she got pregnant with.. =='' Nothing of that sort. It was like, she was pregnant, that was it. No one questioned, and she continued studying with us. And then one day..she, another friend and I were going to see a lecturer when my shoelaces got untied (which is weird, since I don't wear sneakers to college) so they stopped and waited for me.
All of a sudden she slipped and fell, rolled down the steps (yes, all of a sudden there were steps) and I felt my heart stopped. The first thing I thought about was, the baby. I rushed to her and she was unconcious.. I used my x-ray vision (please don't ask, haha) and I saw that the baby was hurt. Then she started bleeding from..I don't know where, just bleeding. I panicked and called my friend, who helped me carry her to..I don't know where. I was soaked with blood..and all I wanted to do was to get her to a hospital, quick..
And then..this part..well, my friend got hungry and decided to stop to have a snack first. I got so angry, that I woke up. And even when I was awake, I expected to find myself covered in blood. And it took myself a while to realise it was a dream.
Thank god it was a dream.
Thought, is this something random..or is this a sign? for something?
Well, I didn't dream exactly how she got pregnant, or who she got pregnant with.. =='' Nothing of that sort. It was like, she was pregnant, that was it. No one questioned, and she continued studying with us. And then one day..she, another friend and I were going to see a lecturer when my shoelaces got untied (which is weird, since I don't wear sneakers to college) so they stopped and waited for me.
All of a sudden she slipped and fell, rolled down the steps (yes, all of a sudden there were steps) and I felt my heart stopped. The first thing I thought about was, the baby. I rushed to her and she was unconcious.. I used my x-ray vision (please don't ask, haha) and I saw that the baby was hurt. Then she started bleeding from..I don't know where, just bleeding. I panicked and called my friend, who helped me carry her to..I don't know where. I was soaked with blood..and all I wanted to do was to get her to a hospital, quick..
And then..this part..well, my friend got hungry and decided to stop to have a snack first. I got so angry, that I woke up. And even when I was awake, I expected to find myself covered in blood. And it took myself a while to realise it was a dream.
Thank god it was a dream.
Thought, is this something random..or is this a sign? for something?
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