I'm terrified of being alone.
Everyday I watch the world go on without me while I stand still.
Not moving. But watching, observing.
Yearning.
How had I become a person so full of regrets?
Of what I should have done..should have said..
I don't think I'm likeable. I'm loud, stubborn, a mess. I am over sensitive, I cry about everything. And I like to pick fights. Well I don't, but I pick fights anyway.
And I tell the truth. I guess I'm sort of the definition of annoying. I try not to be..really, I do. But I can't help it.
Having a disease isn't helping. Having a disease that would drive people the opposite direction isn't helping.
I'm terrified of being alone.
Of not being loved.
I'm terrified of never being the person I was suppose to be.
Or want to be.
I'm terrified that these regrets would haunt me 10 years down the road.
Or 50.
I'm terrified of never finding that little ounce of positivity to keep me going.
Of always feeling like I'm underwater.
I'm terrified of the idea that I'll never stop crying.
Or that I'll stop because I ran out of tears.
I'm terrified of always being terrified.
It's crippling.
