At The Beach

That's where I am and where you're not :P

This is how I feel today

''Taking the easy way out''

I've been disappointing a lot of people lately. And for reasons that I don't think it's fair to be angry at me about.

Let's take a look at the situation here. I've been in Kedah for the past 3 weeks and I'm back for one week since it's the Raya hols. I have best friends and many other awesome friends who wants to meet up. And the feeling's mutual. I haven't seen them all in a VERY long time and yes, I miss them like crazy.

And then one day last week, dad called me up and told me about taking a family vacation to PD. I told him I made plans with my friends and if it's possible to have the vacation sometime in the middle of the week. He says okay. However yesterday, he told me that he already booked and paid for this posh hotel for Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. Everyone is going.

So I had to tell all my friends that I couldn't make it on what we initially planned but if it's okay to postpone. But instead I got lots of angry people at my back that they can start an angry club about me.

I'm sorry but family comes first. I'm sorry for last minute cancelling but I was told last minute too. It wasn't cause I don't want to, I pretty much don't have a choice because it's not just MY schedule, it's everyone else's too. Like my dad, he's only free the first half of the week. Arun is back from RMC the first half of the week. I understand that they have their schedule too and that they're pretty much busy on every other day of the week. So either reschedule, or forget about meeting up. Don't go all emotional saying I don't care because if that's what you think of me, then maybe you don't know me at all.

A part of me is really angry that I feel like never coming back to KL just to stay out of this stupid dilemma. But another part of me feels happy.

To have a huge group of people angry at me that they couldn't meet up with me for the hols.

Usually (from other people's experiences), when one can't meet up, everyone just go ''it's okay, next time then :)'' but instead, I got ''FINE. WHATEVER.''s and ''Right. I saw this coming. You don't really care, do you?'' .. that really accounts for something right?

In this midst of all this anger, frustrations and jealousy, I guess I'm feeling all the love.

Thank you. :)
And I'm sorry.

I will make it up to you all, someday.

When I say something and someone else has a say in it, it usually doesn't work out. Not because of me, it's because of them.
But this is ME making a promise, that only I can fulfill.
I stay true to MY word.

It's up to you to believe me.

BACK HOME!

In KL. :)

Home sweet home.

Just - 25th August 2011

It's raining heavy here. I really love it when it rains. And remember when I said that the heat here in Kedah is different than the heat in KL? Well, the rain is different too.. I love it. :) You won't know what I mean 'till you come here to Kedah and experience the rain. Seriously, come. haha..

We had only one hour class today. For the first 100 students, cause we already had lab yesterday and pbl session last week. For the second 100 students, pity, up till 5 today. :P

Anyways, yesterday's game of truth & dare, really left an impact. =.='' We all couldn't look at each other without smiling, and everyone else who didn't play the game sorta notice it. We had questions where ''if you had to pick a person in aimst to do ________________'' ..and when we see the person today, we all get weirded out. =='' GILERRR haha. Then today I told them ''Let's NEVER play the game again'' ..and everyone said ''Agreeed.''

Well, yesterday after the game, I asked __ about her first time and I loved what she told me :

''I want to tell you but .. I think it's best if you go find it out yourself.. But just remember, don't rush things.. Take things as they go. At 19, it might not mean a lot to him, but it will mean everything to you.. And trust me darsh, you'll never forget your first. :)''

Oh and just fyi, I'm the kind who waits, 'till marriage. I'm all for celibacy. But I like listening to stories., especially true ones. To hear detailed accounts of their feelings, to try to imagine what it's like. According to Henrina, that's good, because it means I'm a 'normal' person..haha..

(Because in this group of mine, I seem to be one of the VERY FEW who's 'different').

Anyways, for these past two weeks, we have been singing the same song over & over again, it's sorta like our theme song I suppose..

1. Adele - Rolling in the deep
2. Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - Lucky

And of course, because we're all going home, the ultimate theme song is

''I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world that I'm coming home''

I made a list of chapters I plan to study during the one week holiday. I HAVE to, no exception. Darsh, you've procastinated enough, seriously, start gearing up or you'll be left behind. I hang out with a whole bunch of people who believes in BALANCE. Their motto ''Study when you HAVE to, have fun when you WANT to'' and it seems to work for them. Straight A's, JPA scholars, on dean's list. Yes, the entire group I hang out with. But I have this uneasy feeling that, maybe I'm not quite that type. But I should be, BALANCE is great in everything right? Yea, well, for now, I need to go all nerd 24/7, just to catch up, then maybe as time goes on, I can learn to start balancing.

OMG DID I TELL YOU HOW AWESOME THE RAIN IS IN KEDAH?

Anyways, the medical books are REALLY huge & heavy. I almost dropped to the floor when Karu handed me one to look through the other day.

Oh! And my right foot is weird. I knew I always had weird foot but never did I realise it was actually THAT bad. o.o'' I wore flats yesterday and I watched my feet while I was walking and then I saw what everyone meant (yes for the FIRST time). No wonder I kept falling and walking into things. I can't walk straight. Karu & Henrina thinks it's cute, but I was so self-conscious yesterday. Yes, about my FEET..Of all parts.. ==''

Okay I think I've crapped enough for today. Entertained much? haha.. I'm going to go have lunch now.

Oh and I've been dreaming of AIMST food for the past few days. I dreamed about walking to the counter and seeing the same food everyday and feeling sick. I find it so funny that I can even get sick of AIMST food in my dreams. =='' But I kinda see this as a good thing? In cyberjaya, the food was A-W-E-S-O-M-E, so it was no wonder I gained 12kgs in a YEAR. =.='' But here, the food, well it's okay, but there isn't much variety and sometimes the food looks weird.. so I just take a bit. I hope this goes on, because then I'd lose those 12kgs I gained in CYBER here in AIMST in no time. :D

Yes, positive thinking helps. ;)

Kay, ciao. :)

Awkward-ness aside

Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!

I'll be in KL tomorrow night. :)

Yayyyy. ;p

Tonight .=.=''

What's up with me and nights?
Anyways...
We didn't feel like studying today so we just walked around campus talking. Then we sat somewhere and played Truth or Dare. But because we were so lazy to do DARES we sorta just played TRUTHS anyways.

And I was taken on a ride.

I guess I was still in my little bubble, sorta 'away' from the current world. So when I have friends my age, or of different age talking about their personal experiences in life, at first I was curious. But then I got scared. Why, I don't know, but just really scared.

Questions like ''How many times....?''' with answers like ''20 on average?'' ..and questions like ''how long...?'' with answers like ''this long (demonstrates)''. When the question ''how long'' was asked I literally thought it was something like ''How long was your first kiss?'' ..but instead it was a whole other meaning. Questions about bj's and 'most extreme'..

The questions were sorta of the same theme but ranges over..well, waayyy over my imagination.
My curiousity level kept increasing but then at a certain point, I wanted the information to stop. Everyone turned to me and asked me if I was okay, and that they knew they shouldn't have had me exposed to this, but they thought that it was about time, being 19 and all.

But really? Do I REALLY want to know?
Everyone decided to stop playing as my face got expressionless and when I wasn't laughing anymore. On the way back, _____ & _______ kept asking me if I was okay and if I still see them in the same way as before.

I do I do, I don't judge people. But it's just, this is a whole different environment I'm in, with different people with experiences that makes them who they are. And I'm hanging out with them, which in time, will make me a different person too.

So why do I feel like crying so much?


I feel like a kid waking up one day and discovering that Santa doesn't exist.

And I can't seem to figure out why.
WHY? SERIOUSLY WHY?

OMG DRAMA much?
Or am I missing something?

18sx

I think my college friends are really corrupting me. ==''

Barely a month here and I know so many stuffs.
Stuffs which I'd rather now have learned in the first place. ==''

ARGHH MY EARS MY EARS. -.-

And when I ask them to stop they said
''Don't worry Darsh, spend a year with us and you'd achieve PhD in this topic ;)''

APA NI? ==

Future doctors of the world I tell you. haha

Tonight

Spending tonight listening to worship songs. They're great comforters aren't they..?

I guess I don't realise I needed Him when I had everything with me, when my parents were a doorstep away, when I had everything. Now I'm away from all that, with my dead handphone, sure, I still have the laptop and my friends here, but there's a part of me, always feeling lonely. Yearning for something. For comfort.

Then I remembered something. Weeks ago when I was packing, I kept thinking I was forgetting something, something VERY important. But I couldn't figure out what it was. I searched my bag, checked the list again, double-checked everything and I left, with that feeling in my that something was missing.

Today I remember.
I forgot my Bible.

Who does that? == Me, that's who.

I'm going to read Karunya's Bible later.
It's times like this when you remember what you NEEDED in the first place.
And then I feel like kicking myself for not remembering it in the first place.
To have situations like this, having to be reminded.

Uneasy feeling, but the worship songs are calming me down.
This feeling, is one that I love.

=/

Just my second week here and I'm already exhausted from studying.

STUDY STUDY STUDY CONTINOUSLY, and then rest. then STUDY STUDY STUDY. and it's like neverending.

This is what it's gonna be like .. forever. (in the medical field)

Ohhh well.

Going to bed now!
*HAPPY* :)

This week

So far this week has kinda been stressful & stress-free at the same time. Mixed feelings.

Just the first week and we've already studied 9chapters. Imagine that, 9! I wanted to revise all of them this weekend but somehow, even after continuous studying, I only managed to finish 2 & a half. Of course I did fell asleep and minus the time I spent eating, walking, bathing.. Okay, yeah I just realised I wasted a lot of time. == So the new week starts tomorrow, and I'm going to learn ANOTHER 9 chapters, this time with Practicals too *starts this week* so in a way, the workload is going to double. I need to start gearing up. fast. soon. NOW.

The stress-free part is when I'm with people hanging out. They seem so relax, laughing, all smiles that I lose myself in them. And then, the minute I'm away from them, BAM! All stressed up. haha..

I guess this part of me hasn't change at all. ==

Anyways, watched Final Destination 5 last night. I used to LOVE the FINAL DESTINATION series. Cause 1) people die in them 2) people die in the most interesting ways. However, the 'change' in me, I think I could see it so well last night. I was covering my face throughout the entire movie, till Sugentha asked me ''DARSH, DID YOU PAY RM10 TO CLOSE YOUR EYES?'' .. I was jumping in my seat, screaming and holding Sugentha's hand so hard, SHE screamed. == Halfway throughout the movie, I burst out crying. Yes, literally, I did. == I couldn't take all the pain, I wanted to go out. But I managed through, and I'm so proud. Of myself, yes :)

DRAMA much?? =.=''

Anyways, Karunya's room has a spare bed and we're heading to Miss Angelina (student's affairs) to see if I can get transferred there. Then I will be rooming with Karu and Henrina.

I know I haven't really introduce them but.. that's cause I'm waiting for the pictures, so I can do the introduction well. Karu has an IPHONE (did I mention that already?:p) and she has this app called lemme lemme or something..and it's so cool! There's so many crazy pictures of me in there. =='' I <3 the effects. :) .. Anyways, once Karu goes home and upload them, I'll use the pics to give the introduction on ALL my AIMST people.

Oh yes! I'm going home on the 26th! on friday. 1 more week and I'll be in KL! HOME.

I'm a VERY happy child. :)

And like a butterfly, Im'ma spread my wings

I've changed.

I wish for happy endings.

My walls are coming down.

I don't cry as easily as before.

I take risks.

I'm loud, and I get crazy, and I don't think so much.

I'm starting to lose myself in songs.

I find teddies cute.

And I think, the most I've changed, is

I can feel my heart.


All I know is that.. in some ways, I'm definitely not the same person I was few years ago.

In other ways,
I guess I'm pretty much still me.

Just for Laughs (no, NOT that tv show :P)

Remember the time we went out to the APPLE store and started playing around with the ipad? .. We took so many crazy pics, but then we wanted to bluetooth them, we couldn't figure out how. So we pretended that we were there to buy one, and kept asking the salesperson about how the bluetooth works. In the end, Divv was like ''let's just send them to my email'' and we were like ''How sure are you it has internet?"' but he shrugged and just sent for fun ==

However yesterday, Divv told us ''HEYYY I GOT THE PICTURES!!'' .. But you know, we only sent SOME.. =='' ta-da :D

ALWAYS THE GLEE! THERE WILL NEVER BE A CAMWHORE SESSION WITHOUT ONE!

Notice I kept looking somewhere else a lot? I thought THAT was the camera hole == but it wasn't. it was the hole in the middle. FAIL lah. =='' hahaha

On ANOTHER note :


All awesomist put your hands in the air! ;)

Made me cry.

I just thought these were so cute.

- One guy in the plane got up all of sudden and shouted "HIJACK" ... the passengers got scared and put their hands up...
From the other end someone shouted Hi John!! .. :D

-Here, let me tie your shoelaces so you won`t fall for anyone else :)

- Thoughts from a school teacher:

1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.
2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.... On my desk I have a work station...
3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, 'Quit while you're ahead? '
5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.
10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should put 'A very good doctor.


They were my friends' statuses on facebook.

So I made friends.

Tons of 'em. :)

From left on the third picture :

Thiva, Ashvinia, Divvan, Lisha, Sasvin, Me, Karunya.

Was not in many photos cause I was the one behind the camera..
Sorta like it that way.
But then they forced me cause my absence in the photos...it's like I wasn't there in the first place.
So ta-da.

I say ta-da a lot. ==

Okay

It's 3a.m in the morning, I just came back from.. okay, long story.

Aimst so far has been good. The campus is beautiful. It really gives you the mood to study because

1. There's nothing ELSE to do around here.
2. The entire campus is study-friendly. With the tables and benches EVERYWHERE.
3. The atmosphere. EDUCATION is EVERYWHERE.

One of the things that made my days at aimst good so far are the people I've met.
I think I was kinda lucky, it's because of Thiva.

Thiva transferred to AIMST with me from CUCMS. And he got a room with two guys, Divv and Sasvin. So when I hang out with Thiva a lot, who hangs out with these two guys a lot, who hangs out with a huge group since FOREVER, I was sorta brought in.

And my apartment is EMPTY. I'm rooming with seniors who are now on their break. They will be back next week (I think). All their stuffs are here though. I'm guessing my roomates are ambitious and hardworking peeps cause' I sorta saw their notes. Noo, I was not going through their stuffs, it was just on their table (caught my eye). There's another girl with me though, Karunya. She's older than me (sshh I won't say what age though haha) but yeah, we're pretty close I guess. We hang out together all the time.

We're the total opposite. She's outspoken, has pierced tongue, gone clubbing..(I think you get the picture). I on the other hand.. am me.

Just 5days so far and I've already been given the title 'Blonde'. It first started when the group asked me questions and I kept answering something else. Oh, also when I thought Ashvinia's hazel eyes were real when in fact, they were contacts. And when Ash asked me why I thought her eyes were real, I said ''Because they matches your hair!'' ..and she was like ''MY HAIR IS DYED!'' .. =='' Yea, I know, blonde much. Not that I'm into stereotyping but..I'm stereotyping MYSELF, so I guess that's okay.haha..

Everyone is VERY outspoken over here. I'm the quiet one. And I guess that makes me the tag along. But I DO try, and I have to give credit to myself for that. Though at times I feel like I'm being fake. Because the real me would not have said THAT at THAT moment but, I'm venturing out of my comfort zone. So I'll give myself a break.

Tonight we went out for a movie, walked around the mall, took pictures with an ipad in an APPLE store and asked them questions about the BLUETOOTH cause we actually wanted to save the pictures in our phone. But was not working. == Then watched the APES movie (I don't know the title ==) ..Then went to a .. well, bistro?club? I don't know. o.o'' But yeah.. I didn't stay long, just walked in, walked out. It was loud, lights flashing everywhere, smells of beer and cigarettes. Not my kinda scene. Everyone was used to it, in fact, they enjoy it but it was Thiva's and my first time. No comments. ==

They wanna go back there tomorrow but I'm kinda thinking twice. If I don't go, I'd have to stay back alone and I don't want THAT. O.o''

Then we came back.

So ta-da!

I guess, overall, AIMST is kinda cool.
So far.
Classes starts next week and I heard THAT's gonna be hell.

But no matter what, I won't forget my goals, the REASON I'm here in the first place.

Everything else, comes second.
I'm proud my priorities are in check. I hope they stays thatway.
I'll make them stay.

I realise this post is kinda draggy and crapping but..
Haha whatever :P

I miss my family..and my bros, though it's soo hard to admit it. :P
I miss VIVIAN TAN BO YEE .. :(
I miss HOME.

But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Going home for the RAYA HOLS. :D
Cheh, barely a week here and I already bought bus ticket to go to KL.
On the 26th :P

Yayy :)

Difference between a BOY and a MAN.

a BOY breaks girl's heart..

and a MAN picks up the pieces.

*Gasps*

I just realised I will be leaving for Kedah in TWO days.

Will be starting at a new college in THREE days.

And I still haven't packed!

I find it very hard to breathe right now.

The nerves are kicking in.

As expected.

DON'T. WANNA. LEAVE. :(

What I learned today

Do NOT give out personal information to ANYONE.

Heck, not even INFORMATION.

Even better, don't make CONTACT with anyone.

Reduce the number of stalkers.

And you can live peacefully. :)

Though of course some really aren't stalkers but then again, you'd never know.

I didn't know. ==''

In hiding.

I gave myself a haircut.

I look dumb.

I think they should make a comedy about me.
I'm like a walking talking comedy piece. ==''

Everyone's laughing at me. :/

Darsh, you're 19, please grow uppppp! :/

Starting college on monday looking like a chinese doll.
So getting a hat. haha

Weird much?

I found this conversation to be funny, haha.. And that it makes no sense. Well not to me anyways.
Some guy in AIMST added me up on fb and figuring I'd meet him later on anyways, I approved. We started chatting when this part came up :

Him : Are you from India?

Me : Um.. Duh? I mean, well, I'm ORIGINATED from India but I'm not DIRECTLY from there. =='' My great grandparents, maybe. Why? o.o

Him : Cause you look indian.

Me : Of course I look indian! I am an indian. ==''

Him : Oh k k.

Me : well then, since you asked, what about you?

Him : I'm normal indian :)


Are you saying I'm ABNORMAL?? ==''


I don't get the ENTIRE conversation with him. It made no sense to me. But I'm wondering, it isn't just me right? It makes no sense to you too right? ==''

Weird much?

Lights Will Guide You Home

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Hachiko

Was bored today and I remembered the dvd. I had it for AGES but never watched it. So I put it on and watched.


And cried and cried and cried.

Towards the ending, my brothers came home and I had to stop all my tears which was EXTREMELY HARD to do. Cause' if they knew I was crying, they'd NEVER let me forget it. You know, kids. *rolls eyes*

The last part when Hachi died, I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. And Arvind was asking questions like '' Is he asleep? He just sits there the entire day, why is he tired?? '' ..and trying to sound normal I told him ''Hachi died..'' .. :(

Throughout the entire movie, I thought of how Hachi must have felt, to wait for someone he loves everyday for the next 9 years, just waiting. Waiting for no one to come. If I was one of those people there at the station, I would've broke down crying at the SIGHT of it.

And it's great that they made a monument of Hachi at the Shibuya train station in Japan. It's a tale that should be remembered. I could go on and on about the morality and stuffs but I'm afraid I'd cry again. ==


I think I've changed. When I was younger, I used to love movies that ended in one of the main character's death.
But now, I just want all movies to end happily.
I can't take deaths or sad endings like how I used to.

I'm not sure it's my movie preferences that changed or perhaps, it's me.

My eyes are red from all the crying.

I am a HORRIBLE best friend

Got told off by Grace & Vi TWO days in a row. ==''

I'm sorry.
For making you feel I don't care.
For always taking and not giving.
For not putting myself in your shoes and thinking about the consequences of my words and actions.
For hurting you and making you feel bad.

It's kinda funny how these two problems have nothing to do with each other, but yet, still, I did the same mistakes twice.

But I'm tired of apologising already. I can never win with you guys. Not that it is a competition but still.

Maybe it's because I just get so tired and I want to stop, so the only way I get out of it is by saying sorry.
Or maybe it's because I am wrong.

Either way, I'm tired.

I'm leaving to Kedah in a few days and you two will probably not hear from me in a long time.
So please just stop all this bullshit because I don't have the energy.

Yes, I'm horrible.
Yes, I'm sorry.
Yes, I'll work on that.

Can we move on now?
Or should I go book a marching band or a skyscraper?
I can't you know. I'm broke.


ps : The best thing about BESTFRIENDS, is that you can have a MILLION arguments at the WORST places about SO MANY THINGS, but at the end of the day, nothing changes.

:D

1. Impatient

2. Rebellious

3. Annoyed easily

4. Control-freak

5. Jealousy

6. Ego

7. Indecisive

8. Lack of self - confidence

9. Finds it hard to trust others

1o. Stubborn

11. Lazy

12. Pessimistic

13. Insecure

14. Social approval required

15. Afraid of getting tied down emotionally


Was reading the 'Journey of Souls' book and there was the part about souls having to review their life on earth and improve on their MAJOR negative traits. For example, one soul may be trying to learn to control his anger but he needs hundreds of years of reincarnations to actually succeed on that. But on the way, he may learn to care and gain control of his ego.

So I started thinking of my negative traits. I have TONS.

Damn, I've so many reincarnations to go. ==

Not that I believe in these stuffs, but that's the thing about learning. You pick up all the good stuffs. I've got to work on my negative traits.

I tried listing down my positive ones but I can't get any. Maybe it's because of the 'lack of self confidence' and 'insecurity'. Or MAYBE because... there's NONE.

*gasps*

Haha, oh well. ==''

Oh wait, I think I just figure out one positive trait.

I'm not afraid to admit my weaknesses. :)
I'm feeling better already.

The journey to improvement!

(semangat at 2 a.m in the morning)