Why can't we be friends?

I'm thinking about all the incidents that had occur recently.. Regarding friendship. Stories of back-stabbing and lies and hatred, are all flooding until every status updated on facebook, is a dedication, and most, not at all nice. From my opinion, I don't think there's anyone at fault really. Things happen. Sometimes people say something, and it sounds mean. Sometimes people hear one thing and misinterpret it for another. Sometimes the stories you hear and not true.

But sometimes, you believe. You believe the stories, eventhough at first it seems weird and unlikely. And then you start seeing it. The question here is that are you seeing what you really are seeing, or are you just seeing what you want to see, what you want to believe?

And this resulted in so many disagreements, so many break-ups, until many has to take sides. Both party ends up being hurt, and everyone just pretends nothing happened, pretending that they're the superior being, and that they're much better off.

I don't see it that way.. well, at least I don't want to. I think no one wants to get hurt, and no one wants to hurt others. It's just a series of coincidence that makes it seem something, that is actually not there. That it's all a misunderstanding.

And even though, if, let's say that person deliberately WANTS to hurt the other, I think this is the learning process. We need to learn how to control our anger, our jealousy, our hatred. To be human, we do have these feelings, but the key is mastering them.

I am of no exception. There are times when I get extremely jealous, when I get angry seeing others obtaining gifts or talents, obtaining success without any hardship. I am very capable of mustering hatred until every cell in my body feels like it's on fire. But I think I'm still safe, because there's something in me that tells me these feelings are wrong. I forgive myself for feeling this way, but I have to improve. I have to muster every strength in my body to only be capable of loving, caring, trusting and especially forgiving. Because I want to learn, because I want to improve. Because I want to be a better person.

And I do believe this is the way it should be for everyone. To want to improve themselves. Not to go ahead minding their own business, continuing hurting others and themselves in the process. Sure, I do know that it's an individual choice, but wouldn't it make the world a better place by doing the former instead of the latter?

It may be hard at first ..to apologise, and to forgive.. But then it gets easier. Cause time heals all wounds.

Remember that story our lecturer told us? About how one day a doctor was raped on the way home, and a few days later a patient walked into her office for a check-up and it was her raper? And instead of chasing him out, she treated him, just like any other patient of hers. I think that is really admirable.

So if a doctor can forgive her raper, a mother can forgive her child who committed murder, a daughter can forgive her parents for abandoning her.. Wouldn't it be easier for us? A group of young teens can forgive each other for a few mistakes here and there, right? :)

At the end of the day, it's just ''Why can't we be friends?''. You see, God would not have made us meet if He didn't want us too. This is a plan.
We are all part of each others' lives for a reason. :)

How I Found My Pencil

Remember my orange mechanical pencil? The one I wrote about in the post How I Lost My Pencil..? Then Vi bought me a new one, the exact same kind..? Well..strange thing happened.

Two days ago during Physics Lab, I was writing using it, when Vinosha asked me to lend her for a sec..and I did..she took the pencil, looked at it and said ''Hey, isn't this your old pencil?'' ..I replied ''Nope, it's the NEW one'' then she points at the rubber thingy that falls making a banana shape and said ''Look, it's just like your old one''..It didn't have the cover for the eraser at the top, just like my previous one didn't.

I gasped and grabbed it..look at it over..looked at the scars, the marks, the warmth of all those years using it.. I said ''But..it can't be..where's my old pencil..'' I grabbed my pencil case and searched inside..and found my NEW pencil.

Meaning, I have been writing using my old pencil the entire time!!
Meaning, it was there in my pencil case the entire time!

Yes, I could hit myself ..but then..I found it!! My orange mechanical pencil!!! :D

Now I have TWO orange mechanical pencils.
Ain't two better than one? :)

''I know that someday, you'll be sleeping, darling, likely dreaming off the pain. I hope you'll hear me in the streetlights humming, softly breathing out your name. I know that even with the seams stitched tightly, darling, scars will remain. I say we scrape them from each other, and let them wash off in the rain. And when they run into the river, let the water not complain. I swear that even with the distance, slowly wearing at your name, your hands still catch the light the right way, and our hearts still beat the same.''

Sick?

Went to see the doctor and was told that my tonsils have ulcer and that my bronchus is affected with dontknowwhat which affects its constriction which affects my breathing. Can't eat oily, spicy, fried, hot , cold and sweet. Pretty much have been eating bread and soup with the occasionally rice here and there (broke the rules). The doc gave me TONS of meds. There's one which increases my heart rate and makes my hand shake. So I had trouble writing these pass few days :/ And the medicines..well, finished them. And I'm still not well yet.


Going to the hospital this weekend ! :(

Midvalley 18th March 2011

Three of us :)


Went to Midvalley last Friday with Vivian and Patricia. Grace was suppose to come too, but she had plans and clashed..as usual,no surprise there. Anyways, I've missed Pat so much. :/ Didnt realise how much until we actually met and caught up. We took lots of pics though, over 200something I think (yeap, Pat counted, ahah).

We caught a movie which we then regretted because..well, we'd have preferred just talking and catching up. Watching a movie, all we do is just ..watch? and whisper and laugh in between.. haha.. but yeah, not much closure going on in there. Watched 'Unknown' ..I remember texting pat the movie title and she replied ''what title is that? so weird' ..haha.. To which Vi and I lied and told her it was a romantic movie.. :D Which it so wasn't. Halfway during the movie, I kept nudging Pat and whispered ''romantic huh?'' .. Towards the ending of the movie, she told Vi and I ''I finally understand why the movie title is called UNKNOWN!'' ..Omg, blur much, haha (you will know why once you watch the movie)

So yeah..photos :)
Hers : Mango juice Mine : Ice Lemon Tea :)

BELOW : Hahahha, pat is such a poser :D Models ..took this while they were walking :D
Bumped into Janeni :)

Us below drunked =='' hahaha :D

I like this pic :) But they dont == haha


Overall, it was a FUN day.. which we will sure to do it again. Only this time, with Grace too. :)

PS : L.O.V.E you guys. :)

Back To December

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why

Because the last time you saw me
I still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if you loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time

Honey&Clover

Yes! Vivian bought HONEY&CLOVER dvd for me! Season 1 :)

HoneyandClover is my favourite anime..like, ever! :) Been searching for it everywhere and couldnt find it..and yesterday at midv, vi found it ..and she bought it! RM49.90..expensive. :o Thank you vi! Yes, we're gonna go watch now! :)

Will blog about this anime later... :)

New

Mum bought me a new cupboard and a mirror! :D Cause my stuffs are all over the place. I have TOO MANY BOOKS and TOO MANY ACCESSORIES (which my grandma buys non-stop) and TOO MANY TEDDY BEARS (it's strange how many people loves giving teddies as gifts :o) and TOO MANY DOLLS (it's strange how many people have this perception that GIRLS LOVES DOLLS) and TOO MANY JUNK (I'm a hoarder :/).

So when the new cupboard and the mirror came in, mum made me clean up my place, while she sits and watch. At first I was so happy thinking yayyyyyy, but then..I felt like I was being punished. :/ Cleaned up till 10pm-ish..and even now the room still looks messy. :/

Oh well, thank you mum for the new cupboard and mirror!! :) *will upload pics soon*

P/S : Dad doesn't know..sshhh ;) hahaha

2012

So there was an earthquake that resulted in a tsunami that hit Japan. I tried to make the most out of the situation by..how exactly? Went around teasing my brothers about ''THE END IS NEAR'' and ''WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE...'' *scary sounds*

Did I mention I was 19? =='' Looking back to 2 days ago, I've no idea how I was so..immature. Childish. Filled with nonsense. Heck, I'm the same person I was 2 days ago. ==''

When I found out my brothers did not watch 2012..I flipped. Called my dad and got him to buy the DVD because..well, I figured, after having them watch the movie, my ''THE END IS NEAR'' act would be much more believable.

Yes, I'm 19.

Anyways, dad came home today Wednesday, 16th March 2011 with the dvd. Around 10pm, we started watching. I kept glancing at my brothers during the movie to see how freaked they were..and guess what? They kept yawning. == So I ignored them..and concentrate..and got fully absorbed.

I laughed, I screamed, I gasps, I cried.. (well, I cried mostly). Watched the movie hiding behind my pillow because I didn't want my brothers to see me in that state.. At the end, I think I was more FREAKED OUT than they were.

Did I mention I'm 19? Did I mention this is the SECOND time I'm watching the movie?

In fact, I cried more this time. I don't remember tearing up when I first watched it.. Back in 2009..my spm year. I watched 2012 midnight show, with my parents, Arun and Vivian.. 5 days before SPM.. On a friday. Yes, I remember because it was my first midnight show..

Maybe I wasn't so freaked out back then was because I was facing SPM..and that exam was enough to hold me to reality. But this time, year 2011..heading towards year 2012.. I see things different. I'm not saying that I believe the whole 2012 thing..but hey, armagedon.. the apocalypse..last day.. It will come. Someday. Just, we don't know when.

Well actually, the Bible has hinted, tons of hints. I came across this small book a few years ago that was about the Bible. And there's the chapter about the world's end. The day when God's kingdom will descend onto earth. There were signs in the Bible. I remember a few. It will happen in the century where

1. Many new diseases would be discovered, and no cures will be found.
2. Many natural disasters, one after another.

I remember just that two..out of around 12 I think. Yes, there were tons.. I wonder what century will that happen.

And imagining it happen, my favourite quotes from 2012 :

- No matter what happens, we'll all stay together.

- Today, we are one family.

- The moment we stop fighting for each other, that's the moment we loose our humanity.

- Like this cup, you are full of opinions and speculation. To see the light of wisdom, you must first empty your cup.

- I thought we had more time.

Haha, the last quote. I remember when I first watched the movie, I went around saying that, with the facial expression of Adrian..

Person#1 : Are you ready for ____________paper??
Darsh : *serious expression* I thought we had more time..

Person#2 : You haven't eaten your breakfast yet??
Darsh : *serious expression* I thought we had more time..

Vivian : Have you memorised ____________ yet??
Darsh : *serious expression* I thought -
Vivian : Stop it. --''

Haha :D

Yes, that's what scared me the most. I can't handle regrets. Not having enough time, to love, to live, to say goodbye.. I think if the world were to end now, I'm certainly not ready. I haven't accomplish anything. And I've sinned, a lot..No matter how hard I tried to be good, I've screwed up..and I haven't had the chance to repent yet, because I keep saying to myself this one word - ''LATER'' - . And it's not a favourite word of mine, but I do use this word all the time. Whenever I had a fight with a family member and I think I should go and mend the relationship, I think ''LATER''. Or when I think I've an exam to study..to go to church I say ''LATER'' .. and as time goes on, this later ..never came. Lost it to time. It's either I forget..or I just kept continue saying LATER many times until the LATER turned to NEVER.. Even after watching that movie, I thought I should change myself..for the better.. and that word popped to my head.

The second I'm most afraid of? Watching the ones I love get hurt.

The third.. When I die, will it hurt? Do I just go..or slip away in pain..? Would I be able to handle the pain?

It's amazing how a movie can make one think, isn't it?

Dream?

Last night I dreamed about a college friend of mine. I'm not close to her, but she's nice. Sweet. She's really smart, always smiling, always having a hand ready to help. Anyways, I dreamed she got pregnant.
Well, I didn't dream exactly how she got pregnant, or who she got pregnant with.. =='' Nothing of that sort. It was like, she was pregnant, that was it. No one questioned, and she continued studying with us. And then one day..she, another friend and I were going to see a lecturer when my shoelaces got untied (which is weird, since I don't wear sneakers to college) so they stopped and waited for me.

All of a sudden she slipped and fell, rolled down the steps (yes, all of a sudden there were steps) and I felt my heart stopped. The first thing I thought about was, the baby. I rushed to her and she was unconcious.. I used my x-ray vision (please don't ask, haha) and I saw that the baby was hurt. Then she started bleeding from..I don't know where, just bleeding. I panicked and called my friend, who helped me carry her to..I don't know where. I was soaked with blood..and all I wanted to do was to get her to a hospital, quick..

And then..this part..well, my friend got hungry and decided to stop to have a snack first. I got so angry, that I woke up. And even when I was awake, I expected to find myself covered in blood. And it took myself a while to realise it was a dream.

Thank god it was a dream.

Thought, is this something random..or is this a sign? for something?

Dhanush acted

Watched a tamil movie today titled..um..err...well..I think it starts with ..err..um.. okay, well, nevermind..

That movie was not awesome, not THAT bad either, just that I could have gone without watching it I guess. Anyways, in my opinion, that movie would have been better off made into a drama with 400+ episodes (you know tamil drama ==) because 70% of it involves people crying. :/ And not doing anything about their pain.
At first I was admiring their crying skills, how they manage to get their eyes to water like that, the tear falling down their cheeks the right way, the nose red, puffy eyes...
I thought to myself.. PURE TALENT. ..
(yes, I was not concentrating on the movie)

But what I did love about the movie is ..how a character, this girl, was so devoted to God. The way she talked to Him, she laughs with Him, she argues with Him.. Admire that in her I suppose. Thought she was beautiful. :)

Oh, and I ate TONS of popcorn :O Finished an entire LARGE box :/ Stomach ache.

Hahahaha.. :D Sigh..when I first saw that, I remembered a song..

''Why can't we be friends? why can't we be friends..why can't we be friends...''

Closed chapter

'' The thing about mistakes, is that every time you make one, you've got to come out of it with a lesson learnt ''


Once I fall in love, I fall.. I do not stop halfway and pick it up with someone else. No matter how much I want to..

With me, it's forever.


With you, I guess not..

When I first read about Japan, I felt like crying. Tears came to my eyes as I watched the videos posted on facebook. I didn't post any ''pray for Japan'' statuses because I'd much rather pretend it did not happen. That no one was hurt, that everyone was okay.

But the truth is much more bitter I guess. But again, everything happens for a reason. I'll just keep reminding myself that.

"pray for japan''

What The Hell

Was flipping through the channels the other day and Avril's song What The Hell came on. The video got my attention because..well, I've no idea. But then I started paying attention to the lyrics and all of a sudden, I was drawn to it. 'Story Of My Life'..

I guess all my life, every action, every decision I made, was based on someone else. What my parents want, what others would think. Even small decisions like what to eat and what to buy. I know that I am very blessed because my parents care, a lot. But sometimes, I feel cramped. Pressured. Like I can't breathe. Like my life is going in a direction I don't want it too. My life, I'm at the wheel, and someone else is telling me where to go, how to drive.

But what happens when that person who keeps telling me what to do is no longer there? What happens if I get lost?

Like, for example, I'm taking medicine. Because..this is what my parents want me to do..and I'm doing it so they can be happy. And I'm alright with that. But what about in the future? What happens then, when they're no longer around and I'm doing something I don't love, something I don't like?

Maybe I think too much. Maybe I should just go with the flow. Maybe..just maybe.

In the music video, Avril went 'crazy' and did all the craziest things.
At first, I thought, maybe that's what I should do. Dye my hair, go crazy in a car, flirt around, shoplift and get others to pay? She seems to be having fun doing it.

But then, that's stuffs SHE wants to do, not me. I don't want to dye my hair (well, not pink), drive a car crazily (I might HURT someone), flirt around (YEAH RIGHT), shoplift (WHO AM I KIDDING? I CAN'T EVEN OPEN A CHOCOLATE WRAPPER) and get others to pay (HMM..). Those aren't what I want to.

What I want to do is.. go somewhere, anywhere. Away. Alone. On a self-discovering journey. Somewhere beautiful. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere, that just calls my name. And everything else I want to do, I'll do on that journey.




New York at christmas, the northern lights, greece, great barrier reef..and so much more.

And not only about going places. I want to wear clothes I ACTUALLY like..do things I actually want to do..

I yearn to be free. That feeling of making my mistakes, and not caring about the consequences, because they'd be MINE. That feeling of not caring how every action I take affects my parents. That feelings of making my own path, choosing my own road.

But then, I can't. I can not pretend as if my actions does not affect anyone, because truth is, they do. And when you love someone, you'd care about their feelings, about hurting them.

So maybe..yeah, I will accomplish all these dreams..one day. But first, I'll accomplish theirs.

And Avril's chorus :

''All my life, I've been good but now, I'm thinking what the hell ''

well, that can wait.

What Are Words

Heard that Chris Medina wrote this song for his fiancee' who was dying? It gives me an entire different meaning now that I know the story behind it. :'(

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
I'm forever keeping my angel close

127 hours

That's the movie title, not the movie duration ;) - okay, that's lame.




Just watched 127 hours.. a true story about.. well, you guys go watch it (Once I start, I go on and on so I better not).. and throughout the entire movie, I kept going ''Ouch!'' and ''AH!!'' and ''DAMMIT!!'' and ''PAIN! ARGH!'' and ''ARGH! No no! NO!NO!NO!''

The rest of my family (who were watching CALMLY) kept glancing at me..occasionally asking me to shut up as I'm ruining the movie. Then once, Abishek smirked and muttered ''Future doc'' .. ==''

He has a point. ==

Anyways, the movie was beautiful.. My dad bought the blue ray, the colour was gorgeous! :)We could see every detail, every note, every texture..the rock, the dessert.. The color of the water, the sunlight.. it was so.. hmm. :)

Aron (the guy the movie is about) is really brave. And admirable too. How he kept being optimistic throughout the entire journey, how he laughs at himself, through all his accidents.. He laughed when he fell, he laughed when he was in pain, he laughed when he cut off his own hand.

Oops, I think I just told you the ending to the movie. My bad :P

Yeap, I know I haven't blog in a long time but yeah, was busy with mid-terms, which I think I did bad (if this makes you want to hit me, please don't. I REALLY did bad okay? ==) ..And why is time going so fast? A part of me is happy cause we're heading closer to our one week break but then..when it is already the break, time will STILL go fast..and then it'll be our 2nd half semester already..

I don't want to grow old, not just yet. There's still so much things I want to do.

Yes, I've a list.