If the world really ends

in 2012.

Imagine it happening.

What do you do? Tell your mum & dad you love them? Hug your brothers and sisters? Kneel down in prayer?

I think I'd freeze. I'd probably just stand there and cry.

I dreamt about this many times. And every time, I just freeze. I wanted to express the way I feel, let important people know how much I love them or how much I'm sorry for the hurt and the pain I've caused.
But I've never been able to do that, especially not with my family. I don't open up or share, no one does. It just goes plain awkward.

With people too. It's so hard to tell someone I love them or that I miss them. I usually muster all my strength in me that I can, and say it. Except for all the 'loves!' on facebook, that's just following the norm of the society. No, not about me blending in, but to not make anyone else uncomfortable.

I know I am getting better, I do work on it. Try harder. Because I don't want this part of me to stay the same. I want to be able to hug freely, express freely. I am already on the road to that.

But I was always afraid that just because I don't say it, does not mean I don't love. I just always wished they would know. Perhaps through signs. But even THAT I'm bad at. I can probably just go be a robot.

But what if they don't know? What if somewhere along the way, they missed the signs?

In my dreams, I'd tell myself, Darsh, say it! Tell them, it's now or never. But I never did say anything. I would always just freeze, and break down crying silently and as I feel the end coming near,

all I do is close my eyes.