Load it okay. I want you to listen to the song as you read this post.
Loaded yet?
FULLY loaded yet?
Have you pressed play? Go press play..
Now read :
Feeling nostalgic today.
No idea why. I guess maybe it's cause CA4 just ended yesterday? Or maybe it's because finals is in two weeks? Or maybe it's because today I watched the last episode of Season 3 Glee? Maybe it's one of them, maybe it's both.
All I know is today I just feel like lying around and listen to songs. And actually, that's what I did.
To me that is a big thing. You see, I'm not a fan of songs. Well, I was. Back, a long time ago. Before CUCMS actually. When I was in CUCMS, I guess I was kinda stressed. Or maybe of everything I went through, the painful and scary moments that played some part in making me into who I am today.
Everytime I listen to a song, my head feels clouded. It's as if there's so many noise in there. I prefer the silence. I don't have a song in my laptop. Even in the car, I'd ask my dad to turn the radio off (and then sing to myself) but yeah, I am just not a fan of music.
Not today though. Songs all day long. Maybe I needed a break from the silence?
I'm not sure now if the nostalgic I'm feeling is because of me listening to music that was once a thing in my life, or I'm listening to music today because I feel nostalgic.
Guess what? It's almost the end of my first year? And I think to myself, what have I accomplished?
I can honestly tell you..nothing?
My grades are as low as low can get. It's always at the border, between failing and passing. From before where A matters, now I'm happy even when I get 51 (passing mark 50). I'm away from home, from my family. I fight everyday with my best friend. I think the long distance thing is killing us both. She wants the texts, the calls, the everything. Which I am giving but not as often as she wants. She thinks I'm choosing everything else but honestly, I don't. Doesn't stop her from getting mad at me. Doesn't stop me from walking away. My boyfriend does not understand me, though he puts up with me. We both know that he's unhappy, and eventhough he does what I want, him being unhappy makes me unhappy. I don't know what to do because I can't change the way I am, and neither can he. So what now?
What have I accomplished? I ask myself, how do I feel now?
I feel nostalgic. For happiness.
For what I felt before.
The feelings I'm missing.
To feel like I've achieved something. That I'm happy with who I am, where I am, the people around me.
Let me tell you a sign to notice when I'm unhappy.
When I'm unhappy, I listen to songs.
Currently playing : Faithfully, by the GLEE CAST.
Just wanted you to know that the song you're listening to right now is the same song I listened too while blogging this.
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