Sunshine

I realised that I have been very hard on myself these past couple of years. I put high expectations and when I don't meet them, I would give myself a very hard time. The thoughts that run through my head, of not being good enough , of not being worthy, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not helpful enough. I never take the time to thank myself for all the good things I am.

And all I see in other people are the good things. Which is good, because my mind just seems to skip past all the other things. I like the way I view people. Of their wonderful character, good nature, lovely voice and all that. But then the judging in me comes, and I put myself way below anybody else.

I am now learning to forgive myself for everything I am not. It is okay to fail, once in a while. It is okay to make mistakes, to hurt other people on accident, to screw up. But what's not okay is holding myself accountable and making myself feel like I have to be punnished for every wrongdoings in my life. I find it easy to forgive people, but very hard to forgive myself. And this time, I am going to work on myself, to feed myself positivity and take awway the negativity. It's tirering and it drains your soul. I don't want to be that anymore.

I am going to try to be the sunshine, for myself.

The choices you make for yourself may alienate some people from your circle and life. But if that decision is what makes you happy in this life, try to not let the guilt of making someone walk away override the magnitude of the happiness that choice will bring. Be it now or in the near future. 

Things happen for a reason. People come and go for a reason. It is what shapes life. And you.

Hello 2013

Reading all the new year's posts on Facebook made me realise how I don't feel much about it. It's just another day, another year of the many years to come. It's a fixed cycle (unless another 'apocalypse' comes up) and because it is inevitable, I feel so indifferent about it.

But I have to agree with the start of the new year, there is just this enormous feeling of hope. Hope for better things, hope for change. I guess it's because of the whole 'NEW'. Everyone's posting new years resolution and I can also recall having posted mine on this blog the last new year. Haven't accomplished much from THOSE resolutions but have experienced much more.

I really want this year to be different. Something about turning 21 this year marks a huge transition. It isn't like any other age, but this is significant. No, wait, every age is significant. I don't know, turning 21 is just special. No, not the birthday party or the 'key'. More like the beginning of adulthood. The twenties.

So I really want 2013 to be different. But then again, I wished that for 2012 too. And 2011.

Okay, I should really stop contradicting myself.

I will try my best to make this year count.

Yeah, it's hard.

In high school, if you don't study, you fail.
You study, you get a C.
You study a bit harder, you get a B.
You study very hard, and you get an A.

In medical school, you don't study, you fail.
You study, you fail.
You study a bit harder, you fail.
You study VERY hard, you get a C.
You study EXTREMELY hard, you get a B.
You study without sleeping, without eating, without a social life, you get an A.

Metalmouth

I just realised that I forgot to introduce my blog to the new braces me.

Which isn't new anymore I suppose haha.

Homesick

Everything is different when you're living away from home.

When something bad happens, it affects you much more when you're not at home. You get frustrated easily, sad easily, angered easily. It's like your threshold to handling all the crappy issues has been lowered, and you need so much more self-control to hold yourself in place.

I feel that because I'm away from home, I must get special treatment from all those close to me who are at home. Like if I complain about the food, then they should be able to sympathise and say things like ''I'm sorry, you will get good food when you come home'' instead of ''chill la''. Because that just gets me angry even more.

You are at the comforts of your own home. You get good food everyday. If you have a bad day at college, you can go home to your comfortable bed. If you feel blue or sad, you can just go and watch some television with your family or play with your dog.

I am in a jungle. The food I get is horrible. The kind where you eat and it tastes weird, gives you a burning sensation in your stomach and makes you feel like you want to throw up. And the kind of food where you ocasionally find insects in it. If I have a bad day at college, I go to my room, IN college. If I feel blue or sad, there is nothing for me to go to be distracted. No family, no dog. Just the studies. All the time. Because that's what it's like in college, no matter what you do, you are always reminded that you are here to study. No matter the sucky place or the sucky experiences.

So forgive me if I'm always sad, blue, easily angered. My circumstances are as such. I do try to be happy and optimistic, but how long can one hold in so much emotions?

Not when you're where I am, studying what I study and eating what I eat.

I'm not comparing and saying that my life is sucky or what not. I am not a whiny brat who always want things to be up top and perfect.
I am just a homesick child.

And you won't know what it's like until you're far away from home too.

Random :)

Teddy

Omg I just realised that I have not blogged about one particular important sweetheart of mine!

Teddy :) Got him two months back andddd he totally has my heart. :) We named him Teddy because, well for one he looks like a small teddy bear. And two, he was sitting on the floor quietly and family walking passed literally thought he was a toy. :)

             This was when we first got him. Still surprises me how small and scared he looked.

A few weeks later :

  That was the first time he was brought outside the house. Haha

TEDDY & I :)

And after he went grooming. Look how chubby he looks! :)

Still a baby, this pig. He can't run straight without falling, he still slips when he walks (balance issues) and as you can see, he sits like that. FLOP on the ground. haha..cutiepie. I can't wait to see him! :)

Btw this one is a licker. He just licks nonstop, which me lurve. <3 :)

They made my day

Before you read this post, please click on the link below and read that first because, well..then it'll help you enjoy this post better ;)

Click this link right here

And now, you have my permission to read this post :P (think Bane in Batman).

So I went to Malacca because Aunt Shoba gave birth to a baby girl! Wee :) But couldn't see her though. The cutiepie had breathing problems and had to spend some time in an incubator. No one was allowed anywhere near her. I don't mind so much, as long as she's safe :)

Also, I didn't mind so much because I got to spend time with her cousins. Yes, the three boys. They're all grown up! Wee :)

Like Kirshath for example. Click here to refresh your memory about Kirshath He can walk now. But he doesn't even walk, he runs. So cute. With his blur expression on his face :) I could only get ONE picture becaue whenevere I try to take a picture, he screams. He likes spending time with Abishek. So he plays with Abi all the timee.

Baby just woke up you see. :P I've no picture of him in action though. haha

Next is baby Ritesh. Remember Ritesh? He is the baby who sticks out his tongue when he gets exciteddd. And guess what? He still does it. Soo cutee. It's so hard to take a picture of him when he does that because his tongue goes out and goes back in. But here, lucky snap ;)

Him with his blur expression. Whenever someone talks, this is the expression he gives. BLURRRR. :)

And then, the third boy, Rikhil. Turns out pignose ain't so pig nose after all. His nose is super sharp. And his eyes are HUGE. like superHUGEEEE.

 Look.At.That.Face. Innocent faceee. :) haha. He always raises his eyebrows like that. I've tons of pics of him giving me this face haha :)

 He can't crawl yet. Just lie down on the floor and shake about. Funny thing is this boy is younger than Ritesh and Ritesh can crawl. But Rikhil is BIGGER than Ritesh and so much more heavier. Definitely a pig. :)

And he has a lovely smile :) This was when I was playing hide and seek with him using my phone haha.

It gets harder for me to get a picture of them now that they're older and able to move around a lot. It's okay though, tons of videos.

Aren't they all so cuteee? :):)

Mine. ;)

2nd year Medical School

I am back in AIMST for 2nd year of medical school. It's Monday and we just had a briefing on how year2 is going to be like. From the CAs and Problem based learning, up 'till our Professional Examination 2. I found it kinda scary at first, because we've pass every block to be eligible for the Final exam. Compared to year1, it was the accumulation of the marks. Oh well, can't be easy all the time huh?

o.o

I'm happy to see everyone back though from the hols. Talking and laughing away.

Can't wait for this friday, going home for the raya hols. :P Gee, look at me, classes haven't even started yet and I'm already thinking about hols. =.= haha

No, it's not because of the whole ''I don't wanna study''..it's ''I don't want to study FAR AWAY FROM HOME''.