The Reason Is You

Was thinking about this too, the other day. About how I feel so loved by everyone. And why is that so. How come I feel that way? I know I'm certainly not doing a lot of loving, not channeling out to others and making them feel the way I feel. And yes, I know that's kinda..sad.

But still, I feel so loved. I am very loved. And I was thinking why? I mean, am I going to die young? Like, what's the catch? What am I suppose to give to be getting this great gift?

Loved so deeply by my family. They suck at showing it, sure. Always scolding me all the time. =.= But I know they do.

Like my dad. He only talks to me like a lot when it comes to education. Studying hard, and doing my best. And not get distracted. Exams and tests. But then, silently, he'll do things. Like listen to my conversation with someone about my favourite movie, and the next thing, he'd bring home the CD. Overhearing me telling mum I'm sick of indian food, and that night he'd bring us all out for Chinese. Sure he scolds me in every conversation, but he does things quietly.

My mum well..? I don't know what she does.. I know she talks about me to her friends a lot, I can sense it from there.

Ohh..especially when my grandma nags me. About everything. The way I sit, the food that I eat. But when that happens, I'll angrily roll my eyes at her and walk off. And she'll yell after me ''Oh there goes the princess!''. Funny when I think about it. But she'll be the one bringing food to me when I'm sick. And massaging my feet when I'm tired. I've never done that for her. Not once.

And when my grandpa holds my hands when I walk. He walks fast. Guess he learned that from the hard life he had. I find it hard to catch up with him. I would have to take three four quick steps to keep up with his one step. He would try to slow down though. I can see it. But it's hard for him to do that, habit I suppose.

My brothers are annoying la. When I go near the younger two to play or talk or something, they scream ''MAAA DARSHINI IS DISTURBING ME'' and run off. But when I'm sitting alone on a wide couch, they'd come and sit an inch from me. Finish my food when I'm not looking, and even when I'm looking. =.= Hide the remote control when they go play football so I won't be able to watch the television. =.='' Haha.. Arun and I, we don't talk much. Sit in silence and talk every now and then. But the silence is comfortable.

My family, they don't say anything. They don't tell me that they love me. They get awkward when they wish Happy Birthday or when it's an anniversary of anything. But they show it. I just have to look for the signs. I know I'm good at it. Because there's two ways to look at it. One, them constantly scolding me and driving me away. But I choose to look at it positively, and I know I'm looking at it right.

And my best friend. Oh, she, well, she really shows she loves me. I am very lucky to have her in my life. She'd go to the ends of the world for me, that I know. She's always there for me, whenever I need someone. I know at times I get very uncontrollable. When I'm angry or when I'm sad, she knows how to handle me. I've unleashed all the bad and the ugly. We've gone through so many things together. Oh, and she's very cheesy. Her cards, her posts, her cheesy texts, haha. I'm spoiled by her. Actually, it's because of her that I feel very much loved. Through her loving me, is how I came to see that my family really loves me too. It was like, she got me buried deep in her love..and then I could see everyone else who loves me too. And that, is the greatest gift I know I've ever received from her. Not the cards, not the late night snacks, not the trips over to my house when I'm sick, the movies I wanted and not some concert tickets.. But hey, I'm not complaining. :P

And him too. He opened my eyes to things I've never seen. His insight to people and their feelings..especially mine. Through him, I learned to accept myself. To forgive and forget, to let go..and to receive. His passion and love for me, made me love myself too. The way he listens, full concentration. Understanding every word, every expression on my face. The way he remembers everything. The way he wants to be the first who's voice I hear in the morning, and the last at night. He's so understanding, and very patience. Something which I know is very hard to do, especially with me. I know I'm horrible and I give him a hard time, like..all the time. But he handles it cooly. I don't know how he does it. Because I don't like those parts of me. All the other times when I'm alright, he chooses those times to go immature and act crazy. Like seriously. =.= :P haha

And Vino. Her constantly missing me. She's always searching for me. Finding ways to get to me, even when I'm away, or headed the opposite direction. Not by choice, by flow. She's kinda like me I guess. And no, she does not know this. She's the me years ago. She keeps things in, she does not show her emotions on her face, her essence are deep. To the core. You wouldn't feel her, unless you really really know her. I was like that too. Years ago. But then my life experiences made me, taught me to open up. And I met tons of people on the way who broke my walls. So I become the person I am today. While she is the person she is, whom I was before. She's very the sweet. If you see her through my eyes, that is.

And other people too. Lots of them.

I know they love me.
And I'm so very blessed.

I love them like crazy too.
The difference is, I don't show it. Not the way they show it.

All of them, have told me so many times that they don't feel it.
I don't show it, I don't do anything. I don't text, call. Always them initiating everything.
They listening.
Me talking.

Always them giving, and me receiving.

I do try to give too. I just don't know how. It doesn't come naturally to me. But nonetheless, I still try.
But still, even when they feel that they're always giving and I'm always receiving, they still kept giving.

And the more and more I'm drowning in their love, the more I feel blessed. The more I feel lucky.

What have I done to deserve this?
I've thought about this and realise I shouldn't question. I should just accept and be happy about it. Because I have something precious.

Precious.

Special.

Mine.

Sometimes, just because they don't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they have.
You just have to look at it.
You either choose to look at your glass half empty..
or half full.