2010

So 2010 has not exactly been a good year to me. I think. Well, it's not that it's bad, but it's not GOOD either. When I think back, I seem to not have any feelings about it. So yeah..

2010 was when I started college. Pre-college to be precise. Doing foundation in science at Cyberjaya University College of Medical Sciences. Yeah, MEDICINE. Doctor. No, it's not really my ambition (though that's what I said in the interview. Yup, I lied. sshh..). I'm just doing it for the family you know? We're practical people, and doing medicine in Malaysia, being a specialist gets you to buy a huge bungalow with a swimming pool, and maybe a Mercedes for every member of the family. But that's not what I aim for actually, I'm no gold digger, just to assure every generation after mine have a good life. I know medicine is hard but..no pain no gain right? Anyways, I just finished 2 semesters before the new year and my results so far has been..funny. It's hard to explain. Everytime I finish an exam, I worry about doing so badly and then when the results come out, I go.. whoa. It's funny, even the questions I seem to close eyes shoot kind of thing, I get them right. I give it all to God. I think it's His blessings. And luck? I just pray it don't run out or something.

And then, social life in college. Well, I'm no Miss Popular. I think I'm cathegorised under 'introvert' so I find it really hard to mingle around with others. So yeah, even after 8 months, I still have trouble opening up. Went through ups and downs a lot with others, and recently an episode occured but I won't talk about it here because ..well, I just can't. Anyways, to sum it up, I have a few good friends, but even that I can't be myself 100% because..well, just because.

Family life. Ahhh..well, nothing to talk about. It's just going. They're always pushing me to do harder in studies and everything, but they're not there for me emotionally you know? According to them, as long as I do well in my studies, everything else just fall into place. But guess what? They're wrong. But I can't tell them that. We just don't 'communicate' and I know what you're thinking, why don't I try right? Well, when you've spent the last 18 years being that way, it's really hard to change. And them being the OLDER, WISER, EXPERIENCED ones, it's best I shut up. Shut off.

Important people in my life. 1. VTBY. A best friend who's always there for me. I don't know where I'd be without her. Probably hanged somewhere on a rope and on tomorrow's paper 'girl commited suicide due to emotional stress' .. Haha, kidding. Yes, dark humour. 2. DG. But now I'm not so much in contact with her. She has a guy in her life, seriously in a relationship. How I feel about it? At first, happy that she has finally found a guy worthy enough, after all the other dudes who blew her off. Then followed by a hint of jealousy. I mean, where's MY guy? .. It's natural human behavior to feel jealous you know. And then, anger came when she ignored my messages and my calls, and suddenly, I'm nowhere in her life. And this lead me to not make any contact with her, hoping she'd do something. But so far..no contact..since she got into the relationship. Well, I have also many others in my life, but I'll save them for later. VTBY is beside me and I can tell she's bored waiting for me. We'll go pop a movie or something. I'm thinking 'BURRIED' ..

So yeah, 2010. It was..okay. I hope this year would be ..better. Happier. More memories to remember. But that's up to me right? To make it good.

But this year taught me that not everything is under my control. It really isn't.

HELLO 2011.