Lost.

''I'm tired of people being angry at me all the time. It's like, whatever I do, for sure there's always someone out there who'll get mad. No matter what I do, I'll anger someone, hurt or disappoint. And it was never my intentions in the first place.. ''

''The entire time I was being myself. If me being myself makes you unhappy, then perhaps you should walk away. Perhaps we're not meant to be, perhaps you're better off. And no, I won't blame you. The old me would be sad and ..I don't know, hold on.''

''But before I came back from the holidays, my grandpa told me to not let anyone get to me. If you do things, and you think they're right based on its benefit to yourself and goodwill to others, then stick with it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And I believe him.''

''I'm sorry if I come off strong and angry..but hey, you made me.''

Those were a few lines from a post that I posted before this that I just deleted. I was afraid of it hurting anyone for I wrote it in anger. Truth is, I'm not the kind of person who would walk away. I'm the kind of person who stays. No matter how much I'm hurt, no matter how much I'm chided or laughed at, made fun of, when I love, I never leave.

And I guess, that is the reason I'm always left behind. Now, I'm no more tired. Now, I'm just wallowing in self pity. Pity that I'll always be here to be treated this way, and do nothing about it.
Because I'll be judged either way. So might as well.

I feel like this part of my life is the time I'm being tested. I've lost my fighting mood. No more courage, no more spirit, no more .. You win.