Start of New Semester

I'm back at my hostel after having one week break (the end of sem2) and I'm surprised at how fast that one week passed by. What happened to my diet plan? Oh yeah, I couldn't wake up in the early mornings to go jogging at the park.. In the evenings though, the spirit was there for like..3 days (2 days longer than I expected so I should congratulate myself).. But it's okay, I'll start eating right, one of my resolutions for semester 3.

My apartment is quiet. Fatin and yasmin went out to watch a football game between ..I don't know, I don't really watch football. Husna is cleaning her laptop cause it was infested with ants while Meera's asleep. Pity her, her new semester starts with a fever. Taranya's not back yet. The only sound I hear is the sound of the fan and me going crazy on the laptop keys. My stomach feels weird, cause I'm thinking about semester 3. It's going to be tough, that I know. We have so many subjects - Bio 2, Physics 2, Maths 2, PCP 3, Intro to Medicine and Pharmacy .. I'm also thinking about the lecturers. I hope we get those really experienced but cool ones? I'm not fussy or anything but yeah. And the results for sem2, I'm SURE they won't be out tomorrow. My college is the kind that when it's concerning the fees (MONEY), they paste those papers on the boards saying stuffs like if the yadda yadda amount is not paid by yadda yadda date, this yadda yadda person will not be allowed to sit for the yadda yadda examination. But when it's concerning other stuffs ..for example the fridge, the oven, the staircase in my apartment, the many complaints we made MONTHS AGO still goes unanswered. Yes, very efficient. Anyways, back to the examination results, they won't be out for a few weeks but I think I did ..well, I don't know what to say. I think I did bad but I don't want to say it out in case I jinxed it or something.. but I do really hope I did okay.. If I'm lucky, I hope I did good (GREAT is a long shot) .. But yeah, at least I PRAY for it to be above 3.0 .. There, another resolutions, study harder with friends so to improve both mine and their results. :)

And then the people. My relationship with my family is..I don't know what happened to THAT relationship. It feels like we're from different planets. Sometimes I feel like ...my presence, my very existence in my family is wrong, a puzzle piece that is in a place where it fits but the picture's wrong. But then all of a sudden, from nowhere, a feeling arise and I feel love, warmth..and I feel like it's right, the picture is right. But that last just for a few seconds before the old feelings are back. So another resolution, improve my relationship with my family. Planning on making that feeling stick, I want not only to fit, but to love the picture and think it's beautiful no matter what picture it really is. Then, college. I'm still really not out of my shell yet. I don't know why. Perhaps it's the language barrier? That my housemates are so fluent in BM and I take one minute to finish a 10 words BM sentence. So instead I just listen, and join in here and there. Oh, here's another new sem resolution, improve on my BM speaking skills. Oh, and since we're talking language here, I should also improve my tamil, as it ..sucks (literally speaking). Furthermore, I've done tons of mistakes, hurting few of my friends, disappointing others..and I'm planning to work on it. I've accepted what happened and I'm going to try to be a better person. Less selfish. Someone once said '' Patience with others is love, patience with oneself is hope and patience with God is faith ''. That sparked something in me I guess. So if there's anyone out there reading, whether it's a friend at college, a friend at home or a friend far away, I'm sorry for all my mistakes in the past and please give me another chance to make things right. Don't loose hope in me, not just yet. :)

So as you can see, my stomach feels one kind because there's lots of thoughts running through my head. And I'm nervous, thinking about what's there to come. And this is just the new semester. Imagine how I'd be like for something else that's bigger, perhaps my wedding.. (I think I've been watching too much of How I Met Your Mother).

But yeah, one step at a time.