Pensive

Aunty Saras and I were talking yesterday and she was telling me of her mother in law (it's ALWAYS the mother in laws eh? o.o'') and how she always blames her for everything. For the way her kids are raised up, the way she cooks, the way she works.. Aunty Saras feels like a failure.

That reminded me of the one of the masses I attended at church. Father talked about how now the altar is no longer the center of the family. Families are now all centered around the television and such. Grandma turned to me and said 'LISTEN!'. The minute she said that, I got angry and decided not to.

It reminded me of my grandpa. Who does not believe in God.

It also reminded me of my dad. Of how hard he works to earn money for the family. How he is always tired and always complaining about not being able to relax. And how my mum would rather him not save up so much and just enjoy life as it is. How they are very unhappy. With everything.

Now there are certain people who would say things like ''If only they'd turn to God'' and ''Money is not the key to happiness''. And then I think, who is it to be blamed? Is there someone? Anyone? Why should we point fingers?

I just think these kinds of things are passed down from generations. That you can't blame anyone because it's not a fault. It's not a fault that people are that way and some are the other way.

Take my dad for example. He came from a poor family in Malacca. His ambition was to be a football player and he was offered to play for the country, cause he was good. But his mum told him ''Education comes first.''. Thus he studied, and became a teacher. He plays football every week but then he hurt his leg and could no longer play anymore. He is now one of the best sejarah teachers in the country. And he works hard because he does not want his children to have the same fate. To have to give up our dreams because we can't afford them.

My mum on the other hand grew up with the silver spoon in her mouth. Sure, she studied hard but it wasn't a hard life. Everything was there for her. She applied for a loan and got into university. And there she met my dad. Who was her teacher, and they fell in love.

My dad works hard because he was born into this world with nothing. My mum takes things easy because she was born into this world with everything.

My grandpa also came from a poor family in Penang. His family was a firm believe in God and decided to leave everything to Him. But my grandpa would hear nothing of it. He wrote letters. With only one suitcase in his hands and a few cents in his pocket, he left Penang and travelled to Kuala Lumpur. From selling fishes, to guard, to police, to air force, to our prime minister's pilot. He worked hard and from there, he got to where he is now. It's because if him my mum had a great life. The rest of his family is still in Penang. Poor and suffering.

There are times when I wished I wasn't who I am.

When I wished I was more like my friends who worried less.

- But I can't. This I take after my dad. Who cares too much. Who is always worrying about everything.

When I wished I was free-spirited and happy go lucky.

- But I'm not. This I take after my grandfather. Who always believed in responsibility, time management and discipline.

When I wished I could pour out emotions and love as easily as others.

- But I can't. And this I take after my mother. She taught me how to build a wall around myself, because that was what she did when my dad was busy working. From her I find it hard to love.

When I wished I fully believed in God and grew up with my life centered around Him.

- But I don't. And this I get from my family. Who grew up without God in their lives.


And I can try to be all those I want to be, and there's always the possibility I succeed. But these characteristics are in my family, passed down from generations. As much as I would like to blame them as to how I turned out, I can't. Because it's not their fault.

It's not anyone's fault. It's just the circumstances.
The world they came into, the life they had growing up, defines who they are.

This applies to everyone.
What I'm saying is that I don't think there's any need to judge and blame others. The basic thing one needs to do is to UNDERSTAND.

The rich may not know how life is without money. The poor may not know how life is with everything. The one without love would not know how beautiful life is with God's love.

And if you are happy with the kind of life you have, then good for you. You're lucky.
Maybe if you'd like, you can lend a hand and offer advice.. Because a helping hand is ALWAYS appreciated.
But there is no need to go pointing fingers at other's mistakes, thinking that if they lived life your way, they could be happy..

Because, it's no one's fault.
It's just life's circumstances.